Taking to the grave

What if I almost.

As I age year by year , I still think about about the 'What ifs'

What if he loved me
What if we were still together
What if he wasn't caught in his ego
What if you saw the damage
What if.....

I always tend to dose off into the 'Almost'

I almost fell deeply inlove at 14,
I almost lost my family for him
I almost lost myself bcos of him
I almost started to not care
I almost felt safe in the trauma
Almost...

With these intrusive thoughts always comes this one unavoidable moment. The moment I couldn't comprehend until years later, all the what ifs , all the almost. Every thought surrounded around those exact phrases and all I can think about is.....

What if I almost had his baby
What if I had almost told him I was pregnant

What if I almost.