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We were the same height. Five feet eleven inches. He took my bejeweled-with-flea-market-gold-hand and kissed it, making my panties wet and my nipples hard. "I'm Melvin. From the Bronx."...
I said, "Nigga, piss off. The fuck you mean? Your nasty sister, with her do re mi face ass ain't pregnant from my dude, yo. I am!"
"Yet she is," said her brother, sure of himself.
"Swallowing don't count, you sick bitch!" I stammered.
"Bae, it might be mine. We were fucking before I met you," said Bradley.
The crowd that formed around us kinda threw me off my game, but I recovered quickly.
"No it's not, bae," I said.
"How do you know?"
"He is the daddy, thot," said the Punk Hoe. "And mind your business, stay outta my ass, tho, hoe!"
He. Ain't. The. Gahdamn. Papi. Do you know how I know?" I asked.
"All right, I'll humor you. How do you know, ugly?" the bitch urged.
"Because I read your diary at your birthday bash a few months ago, remember when you invited us just so everybody would come to your boring ass shindig?"
The blood left her face. "You what?"
Her brother stuck his chest out, his nostrils flaring.
"You had too much to drink. Your parents were in Vegas, you said. I helped you to your room. You threw up in the toilet. I saw your Diary open on your bed. I read the section called 'A Secret Love'."
Her brother glared at her, and she shook like a bum bitch sitting next to a hooker at Wednesday bible study, knowing she got cum on her breath.
"Shut up, bitch," she demanded.
Security thundered into the enormous and elegant ball room, making their way up to us.
The spectators made it hard for them to maneuver because they weren't trying to miss a second of this unfolding, memorable bullshit.
I laughed, taking my man's hand. He was confused, staring at me, like, bitch, spit it out.
"Bae, she's fucking her brother," I alleged, "the nigga standing by us, huffing and puffing. I fight fuck bois, too, Uncle Daddy, or is it Daddy Uncle?"
Everyone was in shock.
"You bitch!" Her brother rushed me and bae knocked him out cold.
He crashed through the huge fruit punch jug on the side tables. Security grabbed my bae, and the cops were called.
Cheers and applause rose from the crowd.
The bitch rushed up to me and threw bleach on my dress and my beautiful pink hair and pink heels.
"Nooo!"
My hair turned orange, in certain spots and the front of my pink dress was a weird looking orange as well.
Hashtag whoop that hoe ass, in my Madea voice.
I clicked on that bitch, snapped on that hoe, picked up a chair to whoop that trick, but Security apprehended me.
I was still trying to kick her ass to sleep and give her some FDS coochie spray because her pussy was stank asf.
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