The Alpha's Baby Momma

07| it's cold

The next month was hell.
That's it,that's the observation. I took his siblings to school,I worked,I got back home and got into an empty bed and spent the night freezing then woke up each morning to do it again, I was tired.
I pushed the bed into the operating room,heart thumping loudly in my chest as I watched Mateo spasming on the bed,his head thrown back as he screamed. I didn't know what had gone wrong,just minutes ago we were on our daily walk and he just fell on his knees,crying and refusing to get up.
"Anesthetic,now! You sterilize this scalpel for me and hold him down." I did as the doctor said,watching as the boy crashed into the bed after I injected him,body slowing down its seizures until it finally stopped.

We were in there for hours,and I helped wipe the yellow green liquid that kept spilling over when the doctor sowed his smaller intestine back together,his skin red from irritation. The beeping of the heart monitor pumped me into action,my body on auto pilot as I warmed up the defibrillators and put them on his chest. His body shot up,then crashed into the bed when I removed them,I repeated the process so many times- but he wouldn't open his eyes.
When his eyes did shoot open,even the doctor seemed to weaken as his dead eyes looked up at the ceiling,soul trickling through his nose into the sky-the boy practically glowed,everyone in the room taking a bow of silence before swiftly leaving the room,
"Time of death,16:45." Dr Martin made a quick cross on his forehead, walking out with one last glance at Mateo. I pulled the white sheet over his body,hands shaking as I also left the room, he'd be sent to the pathologists soon.
It was like everything moved in slow motion,and I heard the woman before I saw her,all my anger flaring as I looked her over,she reeked of alcohol,and her disheveled hair suggested that she was very busy. "Nurse! Nurse!I need to see my baby,my Mateo please!" I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her as I snarled," you don't get to call him your baby!that lil boy in there?so many hopes and dreams,crushed, dead... He's not your baby! Mateo is OUR baby! See nem folks? The workers here know Mateo betta than you,and they aren't even related to him. That boy begged you everyday over the phone to come see him,but no! Mommy's too busy or-"
"Akeelah please..." I shook my head,tears blurring my vision as I sidestepped one of the nurses I was carrying the shift with and came toe to toe with Mateo's egg donor,
"Mommy's too busy! Daddy's got work tomorrow baby,I promise we'll come see you when we have time! Do you have time now!?You weren't there-you didn't have to see that baby cry everytime you said that,you're not the one who held him till he fell asleep. You're not the one who had to reassure him everyday that he was loved-or had to distract him when the others got visits from their parents.and now all of a sudden,you have the nerve to come in here yelling at errbody to let you see your child?"
I literally spat the words,wiping my tears with my fist as I walked away from  her body that was now slumped against the benches.
"I'm sorry..."
"No,you don't get to be sorry" I yanked my wrist from her grasp,chest heaving as I rushed through the lobby,phone and handbag in hand having called Eros to meet me upfront . He opened his mouth to say something when I got in,but one glance at me and his lips were sealed tight and he was speeding home.

After forcing down the kimchi Jaehyun had made, I rummaged through the laundry basket looking for anything of his to wear,with how big I already was at just 4 months,the only clothes that were comfortable enough to sleep in were his. He walked out of the bathroom with a tee in hand,eyes that cold dead blue I barely got a glimpse of lately since he'd been keeping his distance.
He seemed to notice I wasn't feeling too good,and he placed me on the bed,taking my shoes and socks off,then my acid stained pants and finally my top. He unclasped my bra,closing his eyes as he helped me get my arms into the shirt and tucked me into bed before leaving the room-like he did,every night.

After rolling around in bed for three hours with no sleep,I hopped out of bed like a crack addict and pushed the door of the bathroom rather harshly,shaking as I washed my hands obsessively. I could deal with blood,matt of fact I dealt with it all the time in the emergency room when all these hurt kids pulled up,one even had glass powder rash as he had crashed through a window trying to escape a burning building,and his screams were deafening as I picked out the glass bit by bit...but the blood on my hands now,it shone brighter everytime I switched off the tap.
It was just something about knowing Mateo was with me when he fell that was giving TRAUMATIZED. I didn't wanna seem weak,I wasn't. I didn't have sleepless nights just because of a little blood and stomach acid-but God,his eyes.

"Fuck!" I screamed as I threw the bench at the mirror,breathing laboured as the glass shattered before my eyes. I could literally feel my stomach in my throat,and I tripped on my own feet as I opened the toilet seat and emptied into it,clutching my stomach tight as I cried.

At around 2am,I finally managed to crawl out of the bathroom to the door,where I let out a startled scream at the large wolf slumped against my door-so that's where he's been sleeping all along? I scratched his white ear,my left hand cupping his cheek as he purred awake,eyes soft as he looked at me. "Come to bed, please. Hold me tonight,don't ask much...just hold me, please. It's cold, sooo cold in here,and it's worse without you." He pushed me into the room with his tail,hopping to all fours before using his head to push me onto the bed, hopping on beside me and pulling me flush against him,purring as I scratched his back. Don't deprive yourself of sleep because you're afraid of having a bad dream,I'm here. I'll hold you till the monsters go away,and I'll sing for you my beloved,till the silver moon shines no more. My eyes were wide as I stared at him,he'd never spoken in my head before, I didn't even know he could do that,and I was pleasantly surprised as I snuggled deeper into his black fur,eyes shut as he started singing.
Take me away in your rocket ship,been a long day get me outta here. Stay in the state of the greatest bliss,whenever I'm with you I must feel- I'm so glad that I've gooot youuu.
Hs tail brushed against my tummy as he massaged my scalp and drew random patterns on my back with his soft paw,and I felt the restlessness in my stomach finally settle,my body giving into the affectionate touches before my mind could register them, sleep coming faster than I'd anticipated it would.