‼️DEPRESSION‼️(ON-GOING)

2. ALONE

𝑇𝑅𝐼𝐺𝐺𝐸𝑅 𝑊𝐴𝑅𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐺! 𝑆𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡!

The wind and heat touched my skin while walking, this is me. I hate people but I want to see them most especially in the crowd.

Our prof gave us an individual report and thanks to him, because I'm afraid that if ever I have a partner can't be able to cooperate or just meddle with my works.

My brother used to visit my University not that he wants to see me but the girl he wants to pursue. Funny at the thought. His friend Leyshin greeted me the moment he saw me. I smiled and nod pagkatapos ay nilagpasan na sila.

Only his friend knew me as her sister bukod don ay wala ng iba. Sad but true, only to realized that maybe, I'm destined to be alone.

Our professor arrived and keep us reminded of the report he assigned.

My class went okay. But the moment I stepped my feet in our house, I'm drowning with many emotion.

Mom welcomed me with her mouth-skilled hurtful words.

"Bakit ang aga mong umuwi? Puro pagbubulakbol ang ginagawa mo, hindi mo tularan kuya mo!" I'm tired of her comparison. Even though I want to depend myself, I chose to walk away. She then grab my hair saying I was useless countless times. My tears kept falling, not for her grabbing my hair but the thought that maybe I was so useless that's why they've always do this, hurt me. Physically and leaving me emotionally damaged.

Nang magsawa s'ya sa buhok ko ay iniwan niya ako, messed hair and sobbing with tears. Inayos ko ang sarili ko bago tuluyang umakyat papunta sa kwarto na nanghihina.

Just like the usual, I need pain. I get the blade on my drawer and cut my wrist many times 'til I passed out.

I woke up in my room, with messy blood on the floor. I look at the clock, it's 7pm sharp. See? No one bothered to checked on me. I look for my band aid and put in on my wound after cleaning it.

I wore a sweater and put a liptint. I look pale maybe because of the amount of blood I had lost? I think.

I smiled before I leave my room and eat my dinner already. No one knocked my door saying the dinner is already okay. They'll eat with my brother, and me being alone in the dining wouldn't ever hurt me. That's life. Life is unfair, really.

Sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko, marahil siguro ay madaming dugo rin ang nawala sa'kin. Buti na lang at di gaano kalaliman ang nagawa ko kanina kung hindi ay wala na ako. I chuckled at my own misery.

Bago ako pumanhik sa aking silid ay nakita ko ang aking kuya, he patted my head. I'm shocked, that's the first time he did that. May tuwa sa aking puso pero hindi ako umaasa. My 19 years of existence is like living on hell. My father is always punching me and slapping me. Hanggang siguro nagsawa na lang siya at mas pinili na hindi na lang ako pansinin.

My mother, kahit papaano ay umaasa ako na magbabago siya, na mare-realized niya ang pagkakamali at pagkukulang niya sa'kin bilang isang ina. Up until now, umaasa pa rin ako.

My parents is one of my biggest treasure, kahit pa hindi anak ang turing nila sa'kin. Yes, they giving me my needs, my paybills. But one thing they cannot surely give me is their love and attention. I want to feel their warm hugs whenever I failed on something, whenever having breaking down on my grades and acads. I need them to help me pull myself together when anxiety and panic attacks is all over me.
" I NEED YOU GUYS!" is all I want to shout at the top of my lungs infront of them, but I chose not to and sleep instead.

Nagising ako sa sinag ng araw, sabado ngayon and luckily I have a Saturday class. Naligo na ako at hinanda ang mga kailangan ko sa school nang madatnan ko sa kusina sina Mom and Dad na nag-aaway, and of course it's all about me again.

"Sinasabi ko sa'yo Chelle, palayasin mo na ang babaeng 'yon sa pamamahay ko!" His voice echoed in the living room.

Ang akala ko ay ipagtatanggol ako ni Mommy, but I was wrong. Mas lalo lang akong nanghina sa narinig ko.

"Kung akala mo ikaw lang ang may ayaw na nandito 'yang anak mo na babae, ako rin! Magmula nung isilang ko 'yan nagkandaleche-leche na ang buhay natin!" Nadudurog ako sa bawat salitang binibitawan nila. I can't blame myself for regretting to be here in this world, the world is just cruel to me.

Nakalagpas ako ng hindi nila napapansin, kahit nanlalabo na ang aking paningin dahil sa mga luha ay pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko.

Two of my dad's company went bankcrupt, was it my fault tho? I cried even more.

Kailangan ko ng makasakay dahil male-late na ako. I run out of time, damn it!

"Hop in." Nagulat ako ng may humintong sasakyan sa harap ko. It's Leyshin, one of my brother's friend. Hindi na ako nag-inarte at sumakay na.

Leyshin broke the silence. "You're crying." He spat, I didn't noticed that my tears keeps falling and falling. My eyes were already swollen but I'm in pain not even care to bother.

I wiped my face using my handkerchief as I replied. "I'm fine." I smiled a little but I hiccups. He chuckled and clear his throat.

I bid my goodbye and say my thank you before I closed the car-door.

NSTP ang ganap ngayon, half day lang pero maaga ang dismissal. Iniisip ko kung uuwi ba agad ako sa bahay or mag-stay sa favorite ko? I want to unwind, my parents words keeps playing on my head that it won't even stop. I ran until I reach our restroom. Agad kong kinuha ang blade na nakatago sa aking aklat, with tremble hands I still managed to cut my wrist multiple times. I heard someone is knocking outside but before even touched the doorknob, everything went black.

𝐴𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟'𝑠 𝑁𝑜𝑡𝑒; 𝐄𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭! ❤️