𝑩𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔

11|🖤

The girls and I are seated in the living room watching the last episode of Euphoria, the season 2 finale and I can relate to this episode's title "All my life my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot have."

Kelly notices my change in mood and she pauses the show and comes to seat beside me, and the girls do the same. They give me a group hug and we stay like that in silence.

I feel overwhelmed, all of the things I've been keeping in, I can't keep them in anymore. It's just a mixture of emotions from family to friends. This month has been the toughest. It went from me almost getting raped, to Adrian and I being at the same university.

That's something I cannot fathom into constellation. To think I was running away from the place that reminded me of him just to find him ahead. It's like his my cloud of rain that's with me wherever I go. It's like we're bound together one way or another. The thought of seeing him on campus makes me cry even more.

The girls are probably wondering why I'm crying like a helpless utopian.

We stay in silence for like 30 minutes plus till I decide to break the ice. "Adrian is here," I say feeling powerless and ravaged. Upon earshot, the girls all jerk away from me as if I am ablaze and I might scorch them.

"No way!" Both Torah and Tess say in sync.

"How? When? Like when did you find out? How do you know it's him? What if it's just his clown?" both Kelly and Torah bombard me with questions.

I snort " It's him. I'm certain. We were in the same car in the earlier hours of today. His friends with Bryann and_and he plays for the school's football team." I wipe the tears that begin to fall my face at a rapid pace. " its like the universe is punishing me for something I did unknowingly. " I twitch " Is it because I don't talk to my brother much? Fine I'll call him right now." I grab my phone from the small table adjacent to the couch. I search through the phone for his line and dial it once I find it.

First ring, second ring, and on the third ring he picks up the call. I don't even give him the chance to say hello as I strike him with a question, "Matt, do you hate me?" I question him whilst the girls all look at me as if I've grown another head. Before he even gets the chance to respond, I strike him with another question. "Did you plant a curse on me? Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me." I sniffle a tear in. At this point my eyes feel like falling off, they are burning from all the tears I am trying to keep in but yet failing miserably at.

"Who are you with?" He questions me.

"Why does it matter? You don't even want to talk to me? Your own sister?" I scoff and angrily pass my phone over to Tess and I  run to my room. I bury my head in my pillow and continue crying. Minutes later, I hear a knock on my door and whoever is behind it, opens it before I even ask them to come in. Not that I was planning on letting them in. I sit up and face the door to see who's there and it's my brother Matt.

For whatever reason, I'm very emotional today. I face down and start picking at my nails. "Are you here to scold me for acting like a bitch?" I question him while wiping my nose with the sleeve of my shirt.

He walks over to my bed and seats on the edge. " You know that's not why I'm here although you did act like a bitch." I laugh at his last sentence and I face down.  He lifts my chin up so now I'm looking at him. "What did he do?"

What do I tell him? He literally came all the way here because I'm having a mental breakdown on a boy who gives zero fucks about me or my feelings. Also, a boy who didn't really acknowledge my presence. A boy who literally means nothing to me and I equally mean nothing to him.

I dodge the question and instead engage him in a conversation. " How did you get here so fast? Ain't you like hours away?" I question him because it's now dawning on me. He came here in a matter of minutes and his supposed to be in school as we speak.

"I teleported." He tells me with a straight face while looking at me. It's funny how my brother pulls off jokes with a straight face, you'd think his serious when his just joking.

I roll my eyes at him. It's a toxic trait I've found myself doing frequently now. "Jokes aside, let's be serious."

"Okay mummy, I was in the area visiting a friend." He smirks. The fact that he just called me mummy flares me up 10 times more but I try to keep my cool. He notices that I'm angry and he reaches for his pockets and pulls out a lunch bar. "I hope this can help." He hands it over to me. This is the sweetest my brother has ever been.

"Whose the girl?" I accuse him.

"What do you mean?" He questions me.

" You can't be this sweet, that's surreal." He gets off my bed, chuckles and he roughly plays with my hair leaving it a mess. "Girl bye." He exits my room and slams the door behind him.

No like seriously, "Mathew Anderson being sweet? The world must be coming to an end." I yell so he can actually hear me because he's already out of my room. "Oh, and I'll get you for messing with my hair, make sure you watch your back." I laugh and eye the lunch bar that he handed me as if it will beam back at me. This has made me feel so much better. Just the thought of him caring makes me happy, I didn't even notice that I am now shedding tears again but this time around, they are tears of joy. I wish he and I could share such moments more often they are really dear.

I think I know what to do now. I will simply ignore him. His presence will not cause problems for me. He doesn't give a fuck about me, I won't give a fuck about him either. PERIOD!

•ACT LIKE HE DOESN'T EXIST.
•IGNORE HIM AT ALL COSTS.

I need to let him know that his presence does not affect me one single bit.