Saving Daisies

First Bloom

At this time of year, around my birthday, the meadow is beautiful. I especially love the tulips that grow in this specific formation, every year. The reds are like cherrys, and the yellows like gold, and these mixed oranges like blood oranges. Just hold onto that, the sky baby blue, and only slivers of white in the sky. The trees encasing the meadow, encasing me, encasing my mind. It's a final relax, I could stay here, laying on this grass.

The feel of the blanket on my back so soft, the pillows fluffy with rage.

The sun is warm like knives in my eyes, hugging my body a bit too tight. Poppies occuping my right vision, red blurs, making my eyes water. Birds singing to me, only me, to me, just me. The trees turn to walls, the song birds are drills, the colours are wallpaper, the grass a blanket, it's almost like my room. My horrible room, where I almost die everyday. I can't stay here, but I have to. If I leave I wont make it through my day, I cant leave, not yet.

Think of the daisies, the daisies, I love the dasies.

Sar: Please (9:34)

Sar: You need to get up... (9:34)

Sar: Your late enough (9:45)

Sar: He wont forgive you this time please get in here (9:58)

But it's already bleeding, running away from me, the meadow dying. The poppies are rippling away, the tulips sinking. The daisies, not the dasies. I like the daisies, please don't go. I like the daisies.

Sar: JOHN GET HERE NOW (10:01)

INCOMING CALL, BENJ  (TWAT)

The bed, the room, the walls, the window. What was I doing, Why was I doing star angels in my bed. Did I pick up my medication? Theres a regular noise in the air, I don't notice it until it stops. It was my phone buzzing. When i press the button on my phone, I, for the first time, experience my heart drop. 

The time is 10:04 and my manager was the one who just called, I am in so much shit. How did I sleep through all these texts from Sar, but it didn't feel like I was asleep, it felt like i was still awake.

Lets not mull over the wierd and just get on with the day. I don't take this attitude often, but Gerry says it's a good way to cope with it. Cope with it. Speaking of that, where is my medication? Im supposed to take both pills together, my fluphenazine and chlorpromazine. Or to not be technical, the green and yellow pills.

While i'm putting on my tie im still trying to find them in my medicine cabnite, but i have none left. I should have listened to my chemist and put them in one of those labeled pill boxes to know when I run out. I dont even know if i went into work yesterday, I can't really remember to be honest. But I digress, I'll just use going to the chemist for my prescription as the excuse to be late to work.

INCOMING CALL, SAR

Oh god. I have to pick that up or Sar will reach through my phone and kill me. I reluctantly pick up the phone and answer with a confident, "Hello?"

"Don't 'Hello?' me like you don't even know who exactly you're talking to." She is raging, but I'm going to play dumb and just hope for the best.

"Hey Sar, you sound pissed." Wrong words to use, shit.

"DO YOU THINK SO! I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN THIS SHITHOLE ANYMORE THAN YOU DO SO GET YOU ARSE HERE RIGHT NOW!" Okay abort playing dumb just tell the truth to her.

"Okay, okay I slept in I didn't mean to. Plus I need to go to the chemists first, I'm out of my meds."

"What!? Do you remember what happened last time you came off your medication?"

"Yes I-"

"You thought you were back home. No sugar coating with me Jo."

"Yeah sorry..."

"Don't appologise, I'm sorry. Just get your meds, take them, AND GET HERE."

"Yeah okay don't worry Sar, I'll be like half an hour and be there to make your day better." I said with a giggle. Just to make you know. Sar isn't a bad person, She is upfront but she does care. And her shouting is for the best. She's been with me from the start, when what we were discussing occured.

"Okay see you later, Sar."

"Bye Jo."