Paparazzi//Grayson Hawthorne

Chapter Three

"You ready to go inside?" Libby asked me quietly, whispering; I shook my head no, cringing slightly as I did so.

"You guys go ahead; I'll be just a minute," I whisper; it feels like I can't speak at an average level, as though if I did, my voice would break, which worse cause me to break.

Libby and Avery each give small, hesitant nods before following Alisa inside; I can only hear Libby tell Alisa that I need a minute as they walk away. 

I walk towards the front steps of the house after they go inside. However, I dont walk up them all the way. Instead, I stop about a quarter of the way up and sit down, facing away from the house.

It still feels like I can't breathe and can't get any air into my lungs. So as I sit there, my knees close to my chest slightly s, I run my hands over my face, and I try to breathe.

I breathe in briefly before holding it for a few seconds and breathing out, following the process I had learned years ago.

You'd think I would be used to this by now, that I'd be used to the panic, anxiety, and thoughts that would interrupt my life, throwing everything off track.But I'm; I'veI've dealt with this for years, and yet here I am, still struggling to get a hold of myself; god, I'm such a child.

I need to grow up and stop overreacting; Ig, I didn't know this man; I don't know why exactly Avery and I are in his will, but we apparently are, and we're needed in the room probably right now, which means I'm once again holding everyone up, causing them to wait longer and be late.

I feel hot tears roll down my cheeks; I don't want to deal with this. Not now, not ever. But here I am, having to deal with it, and now I'm crying because I can't handle my emotions.

Only a few tears fall, I only let a few tears fall, but I don't wipe them away, not yet; I let them fall and roll down my cheeks, reaching my chin before I wipe them away.

I hear the large door behind me open; it's gentle; maybe Libby or Avery have come out to get me to ensure I haven't run off.

I hear the footsteps instantly, gentle but powerful. Not either of my sisters.

I feel the presence beside me as they sit down; they aren't too close, a few inches away, almost a foot, as though if they get too close, they'll catch some disease.

I can feel them hesitate as they think of what to do with the crying girl on the steps."Ashlyn?" I hear the voice speak; it's Grayson; he sounds hesitant, nowhere near the amount of confidence in his voice as back at the school.

I feel myself cringe at the name slightly. "Please don't call me that," I hear myself speak before I could think not to.

I've never told anyone that I don't like my name, that I hate it even, not until right ast; I haven't even told it to my sisters; it's my deepest, darkest secret.

I never told them because I knew it would hurt them; my mom named me that; I was given the name, and it is who I am. It is supposed to signify that I am me; it connects me to my mom because she named me; it connects me with Avery because our names both begin with a. But I wouldn't say I like it. I hate it so much. I can't stand the n; every time I hear it, I want to rip my heart out; it hurts so much.

"Ms. Grambs," He corrects himself; I cringe again, "Ash. Just call me Ash. Please call me Ash," I speak, I can hear the almost desperate tone in my voice, and I suppose Grayson hears it too as he corrects his posture slightly.

My head is still in my hands as I bring my knees ever-so-slightly closer to my chest; I feel Grayson gently place his hand atop my shoulder; I feel him almost pull it away, as though he regretted it instantly, but he doesn't. Instead, he keeps his hand gently resting atop my shoulder, moving his thumb back and forth in a soothing pattern.

"Ash, what's wrong?" He asks; his voice is soft, softer than I've heard. I doubt he understands what is happening, or he would know what to do. But maybe he does; he grew up in the spotlight and would've had to have dealt with something like this before.

"My chest is tight, my brain is racing, the light is too bright, and the voices are too loud. I can't breathe, Grayson" I hear my voice break slightly as I say his name; I cringe at myself for letting that happen, for letting myself be so vulnerable.

"Ash, I need you to look at me; I know the light is too bright, but I need you to look at me quickly, please," He speaks, his voice softer than before as he removes his hand from my shoulder.

I look up at him; he's tall even when sitting on these steps. "I need you to follow my breathing; then, when we'll get you inside; everyone has gone into the great room, so no one will be in the foyer; it'll be easier on your eyes" His voice is quiet; it's calming, I could listen to it all day.

As he manages to help calm me down, he slowly gets me to stand up, gently grabbing hold of my hands.

"Look at me, okay? You dont have to look anywhere else; focus on me; I'll lead you to the door and inside" His voice is soft; it's genuine, "You've got this, Ash, I believe in you," He adds; I can feel myself calm as he speaks.

He walks backward slowly, holding eye contact with me, "I've got you, Ash, I've got you" his voice is quiet still as he moves backward up the rest of the steps, only letting go of one of my hands to open the door.

"They'll be waiting in the Greatroom, but we can be a few extra minutes" Grayson smiles a small, soft smile towards me.

"Thank you, Grayson" My voice is soft, almost a whisper, as the words leave my mouth, which causes a small smile to spread across his face as he nods down to me.