tarlos addicted and missing love

We meet again

Carlos pov

Something I never forgot was when I was 4. I moved to a new city after my parents got some more money to give me a better place to grow up.

It was scary to start all over at a new scary place. All the kids knew each other already. I just sat alone with no toy as I was to shy and didn't wanna try and get a toy before the other kids. I didn't wanna upset anyone. I sat alone on the ground for a while.

Then suddenly a boy sat down in front of me. I looked up and he smiled. He shared some toys with me. And that was the start of a wonderful relationship. We became best friends. And my mom and dad was so happy that shy little me got a friend..
 

He helped me a lot then and forward in my life. I never really got to say it to him tho. As he moved when we were finishing kindergarten. I realised later in my life that I liked him. Romantically. I had crush on him even without fully understanding it at that time.

I dream about him. How he maybe look. Its kinda how I also came to the realisation that I like guys. And I don't like girls. It's just guys in my head. Specially tk. But I haven't seen him in years and it seems dark. I don't think I will ever find him.

Mom and dad said they never asked tk parents what there last name. They were so happy for me and scared if they talked to much to tk parents they wouldn't want me hanging out with tk. It's just them being afraid of what people can think when they meet them. I understand why they were scared as I also get looks at work because of where i am from. But I don't think tk parents were like that.

I work as a cop now. I work a job that helps people. It makes a meaning to my life. My lonely life. I have tried to date but I don't like getting looked at for being gay and I guess the guy I am with doesn't distract me enough to not mind people staring. Tk did.. make me forget that people were looking. I forgot that I was scared when he was around. The smile made me forget about bad stuff. I miss that a lot.. I miss him a lot..

I have moved to a new station because some guys in the last one didn't like me being gay. They saw me with some guy and felt disgusted and started saying bad stuff at work. So much that it was effecting me. I didnt wanna go to work. So I moved. Escaping from the bad stuff. But now i am in a new place, and that's what I am always scared of. A new place to fuck up. People mind there own business and pretend like I don't exist. I just get small cases. Nothing big. I have tried to work my self up. So I can become a detective. But it's still long away as no detectives take me serious. Or let me help them.

 
Tk pov
 

I live a good life. I have a job that earns me a lot of money. I work in the real estate. live in an expensive apartment. Its beautiful. And I have a beautiful view of the city.

They say money buys you happiness. But i dont feel like thats right at all. I feel as lonley and missreable as i feel like anyone is able to feel. I dont feel like i will ever find happyness as how can i find happyness when i cant be my self. I cant go for my feelings. I dont let my feelings get real or explore what i really want.

I have anxiety and get panic attacks when things stress me out. I think a ruff start made me like that. I didnt have it ruff before i moved. I had a good life and good circle of friends. And a best friend who meant the world to me. I found out later he meant to much to me. Yeah meant, as i suppressed it down so much that i barely remember anything about him. I put my self so far far far away from him as possible. To protect myself from my sin.

When i moved out it all started crashing down. And my sin started to get visible for me. And i understood i shouldnt be like that and that i am not normal.