Stretched Wires

[symptoms]

It is completely impossible to live a life filled only with ups and no downs.

No matter how good your situation is or how lucky you may seem, escape from the dark side of life is impossible. Eventually, you're going to go through phases of your life where you will feel the worst you will ever feel.

At least, that's how I thought it was.

I don't remember how happy feels like anymore.

It seems blurry: too fake, too fictional for me too even comprehend it anymore. Does it even exist? Or is a happiness just a shallow concept to keep us ignorant from the inescapable abyss of darkness we're all trapped to experience?

I don't know anymore.

I've lost strength trying to figure it out.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when I've stopped genuinely smiling. I can't even say when this downward movement started.

I don't even want to remember.

Is this sadness?

It's not like I feel the need to cry or have tears in my eyes.

I don't know.

Or maybe I just don't want to know.

Everything feels numb. Is that bad?

Dammit. Where the hell are answers when you need them the most?

As I stare at the ceiling of my room, I drown in these thoughts. At night, I drown more than sleep. I think I'm in a little too deep. Time doesn't exist during nights. It's only my thoughts and I.

I used to think it was scary how these thoughts would weigh me down and keep me from rest. But now it's too normal to even irk me. After all, I'm a freak, aren't I? An outcast to society. I'm not good enough for all of them. A little more quirks wouldn't harm their opinion of me. It's as low as it is.

I don't want to drown anymore.

I want to sleep.

I twist and I turn but I just can't sleep. My body refuses to. Anger rushes through my body; the first spike of emotion I've had in a while.

I sigh. It's no use. The anger fades and once again I feel numb.

I turn to face the ceiling again.

Is it normal to feel so empty?

I close my eyes, not because my body is finally letting me sleep but because I'm afraid. Afraid to confront the thoughts inside of me. Afraid of what's become of me.

But even if I close my eyes, unending darkness surrounds me.

When I open them, I'm still drowning in it.

Then it hits me. The spike of sleepiness that usually comes sometime of the night. The spike of sleepiness that comforts me and tells me I'm not as messed up as I think.

As I close my eyes and slowly fade away, a little voice at the back of my head laughs. It whispers.

Not yet but soon.

It echoes in my mind.

Not yet.

But soon.

—

I'm so horrible at this XD I apologize for such a horrible chapter. I'm either out of practice or I'm just a really bad author :\ Oh well. I tried. :)