Consequences ~Justin Foley

Old Habits Never Die

Apart from the robotic navigation lady playing from my car, it's silent, and not the good type of tension silence we have.
The frozen fat arse block of ice.

If he's not breaking the ice, then apparently I'm the only one with balls in this car who can.

"I did write you a note you prick." I'm offended that he's so quick to assume I'd leave without saying anything.
I'm not him.
"I just kept it in my phone."

I keep my head down avoiding his eyes as I fiddle with my fingers calming my nerves when I'm alone with him.

"I'm glad you're still here so I don't have to read it." I feel his eyes on mine for a split second and then his hand reaches over but he quickly pulls it back before it could make contact with my hand.

"You're the first guy I ever loved. You think I didn't write you a note?"
I finally let my eyes lift to his and this time my hand was shaking from nerves.

Because this was starting to shift into the good tension.
The tension that lead me to be consoled by him.
The comforting tension.

"Fal if I ever got that note, I don't think I'd ever be able to recover from what I was."
His voice shakes as I see the adam apple in his throat bop down as he swallows his breath for a moment.

"Why couldn't you come to me?" He turns his head to me not even looking at the road right now. All I can do is stare at his eyes and the emotion it holds.

"We wernt together-"
"Bullshit. Even after we left things off, you knew you could come to me." He shakes his head and I hear the visibly pissed off tone return with his words.

"I didn't, because you walked in the hall with Bryce every day. Clay was always in his own world, and Hannah and I had fought so I didn't have anyone else. I just felt so lonely."

"You're not." He grasps into my hand finally locking it together, our fingers intertwined so tightly.
"You are never alone. Ever. You'll always fucking have me Parker."

He focussed his head on the road now as he approaches the right apartment parking in the parking lot for the apartment as we stay seated in the car.

And he twists his body to face me now all his attention focused on me as he still grasps my hand tightly.

"That night, that I found you..." I slowly inhale mustering up the courage to say my next words. "I don't think I've ever felt pain the way I did when I thought you were dead. I mean it when I say that I love you more than I can take, so don't ever make me go through-"

"I won't. Never again. Okay? Ever." He lifts his free hand to my cheek his thumb stroking it as he leans his forehead against mine.

"And I love you more than life."
He stared at me with the most serious eyes just filled with pure...love? This is what love feels like.

"Don't, please, don't ever love anything more than life."
I need him to have to live. Him leaving would be my last reason.

"Okay." He flashes a weak smile as he presses his lips to my forehead.

And every time he touches me it's like everything right in the world. Like nothing is ever wrong with me.
Like I can breathe again.

"What are we doing?" Every time we're alone, every time. It's like I'm being compelled to be near him. Like my body craves to just have his touch.

"Whatever you want Parker, whatever you want us to be doing."

Oh he does not want to know the answer to that.
Because I want to do things I don't even think I'm ready for.