Hazy dream

Chapter 2

(A/N)
*** This chapter will contain a bloody scene and more bad words. You have been warned!!!!!******

Opening my eyes and waking up was one of my hardest things to do as soon as my day starts. But I really don't have a choice do I?

Fluttering my eyes open, I found Fenris snuggled up into my chest. Cute.

Memories flooded my mind as I quickly slipped out of bed.

Those emerald piercing eyes?

The extra body heat?

The deep chuckle?

Cats don't chuckle. Do they?

I'm going crazy!

I glanced at my clock, sure enough it was 5:34 am. Meaning I have to get up and go to work. I rushed to get my things and went into the bathroom.

I don't want to face the world today I just wanted to curl up in bed and forget that everyone exists.

After almost filling the tub to the rim with lukewarm water I threw off every layer of fabric that hung loose on my body and slowly lifted my head to come in contact with my reflection. I looked beat down, bony, and pale.

I couldn't bare looking at myself. I can't say I'm perfect or average. I looked like I was left to rot in this world. Left to fend for myself with no help, no clue that there were monsters out to get me. I turned towards the tub and sank right in. Feeling the warmth consume me as I sighed in content.

I tried pushing the thought away but it always came back with me trying to find reasonable things that would connect with what happened last night. But it all seemed unreasonable. I woke up sleeping with Fenris this morning, but there's no way a cat can make so much body heat and don't get me started on that mysterious chuckle. The only thing that seemed to be reasonable was Fenris's eyes, except maybe for the fact that they seemed more human like, than rather cat like. It all just felt like my mind was making illusions and trying to trick me into something so dark, creepy and so vivid.

Vivid.

That was the only thought that made me want to believe the whole illusion was real. But why? Am i really that desperate; So desperate enough to conjure up a hallucination just so I can stop feeling so lonely?

I didn't want to get out of the tub now or ever. I questioned myself:

Is that how its going to be like now? And if so, then my mind is definitely telling me to just kill myself. To get rid of all the pain before I explode like a volcano, destroying everything and everyone down with me. But it only made sense or it just seemed that way to me of course. everyone I meet, everyone I begin to talk to automatically begins to hate me.

I'm not perfect, I'm certainly not a bombshell and i'm not that great at socializing. I'm not well respected or rich, and neither am I noticeable. I'm just a plain raggedy, poor, ugly sorry excuse for a human, who lives her life with a cat and has scars, and cuts because its what I do to release my pain.....and now i'm starting to hallucinate in order to stop feeling so lonely. I was born to be thrown into the dump and that is how ill die off. I was born to die.

Tears blurred my vision and burned down my cheeks. I quickly looked around for my razor blade. Not here. I thought. Probably behind the mirror cabinet. I got out of the tub, not caring that I was dripping wet and cold with soap in my hair and body. I didn't hesitate to rummage through the cabinet. found it!