The Secrets of Lore Seymour

79. Becoming What You Want

Warning: Mature content. Please keep comments respectful.

Seren P.O.V.

The letter sits on the end stand by the armchair in my room. I pick at a stray string on the chair. My eyes focus on the letter, recalling what's written within; renouncing my title as paladin to become Seren Farshine again.

I grasp the letter, retrieving the paper from the envelope to read over for the tenth time. The words never sound right. Even with Cyan at my side to write them, there's so much more I want to say. Vile words. Sorrowful ones. An apology to Olere, even if he assured me that this choice is my own. A curse at Paladin Nallin for frightening me, for abusing me as a scared child. A threat to Priest Aja and others like him for I don't believe I could restrain myself from harming him, at the very least, if we crossed paths again.

My hands shake so badly that the words blur in my vision. Then another hand comes into view to ease the letter from my grasp. I know who it is before Lore surprises me by making himself mighty comfortable in my lap. I grasp his waist instinctively, preventing him from stumbling to the floor. His arm wraps around my neck as he leans towards me, bringing warmth, comfort, and the strong scent of sweet apples. I bask in him, resting my head on his shoulder. He has his hair in a ponytail today, but a few strands have come loose to tickle my cheek.

After reading over the letter, Lore sets the paper on the endstand, then rests his hand beneath my chin. He eases me to look at him, a soft smile on his lips. "You did good," he says.

Is it silly to feel better from three simple words?

"We can send the letter from my estate in the capital if you would prefer, or I could accompany you to Trinia to make sure no one bothers you," he suggests.

I snort. "I think they would bother me more if you came along, especially since the last time you were there Cyan left with you."

"I suppose I am making quite a name for myself at the church." His grin widens. "Stealing a child, then one of their beloved paladins who shall from this day forth warm my bed."

I bite my lip to prevent a far too eager smile. "Is that the reason you stole me?"

"Not the only reason, but it's certainly high on the list. Second spot, actually."

We both laugh. He presses his lips gingerly against mine. I hold him a little tighter, enjoying these moments of intimacy. Before, when he got this close, I panicked. I wanted him, but I feared the thought of taking hold. Now, I fear the idea of letting go.

"I already planned to mail the letter," I say. "It'll be easier and I need easier right now."

Lore nods. I release a curse when his cool fingertips push beneath my shirt. Then his lips are on my neck, a soft caress mirroring the touch of his hand across my chest. My grip tightens on his waist, startled by the abrupt affection.

"Is your answer to tense situations always going to be sex?" I tease, not missing how quick he is to start unbuttoning my shirt.

"No, but I thought it would make a very good distraction," he replies, retreating to rest his forehead against mine. It'd be a touching moment if not for his hand tugging the belt from my pants. A bundle of nerves tighten in my stomach. My gaze drifts over his shoulder towards the door, fearful that someone might see. Not just Draven or Cyan, but the vampires here and who they might tell.

"I shut and locked the door," Lore reassures me. I hate that he has to, that my initial reaction was to make sure no one saw us.

How must that make Lore feel? Sensing that I want this to be secret. Would he believe I'm still hung up on him being a dhampir or that I'm not ready to be seen with him? I don't want that. I don't want to make him feel that way. I don't want to hear that frustration in his voice as he tries to hide that he's okay.