Freedom of a Phantom Soul

Capter 2

Everyday it feels like a burden. I am forced to wake up to a reality I don't want. I have to walk around mindlessly, listening to people ramble on and on about how great they are. Wanting to tell them all to shut up about themselves, to be more empathic, to stop being so stupid. But I can't. I have to keep my status as a kind person, as a normal person. I have to keep this facade of what they all want from me. I feel trapped.
I want to be able to tell everyone about what I am thinking. I want to be able to say "I am N30N and I hope all of you fuck off". But I can't. People will always find a way to make you feel guilty. To make you downgrade your problems. Because we either don't want to accept everything isn't about us or we shut down those who don't want to hear us.
Sometimes I feel like a clown in a tragedy. As if i don't belong here but I am a part of it. It feels like I am going crazy and yet I am more grounded than the rest of those morons which society idolizes. But no matter how hard I try to understand what is wrong with me, I fail. I can't understand myself even if i wanted to, It feels as if my mind were two different people at the same time.
My lack of understanding of myself has led me to feel lost. I keep wandering around all these people with motivation and determination and I just feel lost. Everytime, that fire burning inside of other people just makes me feel worse. Its as if I'm just there. Not really meant to do anything important, just there. As if I am a minor character in everybodys lifes, my own included.
If i was destined to do nothing in this world, then why was I given so much talent. I see all those people who seem so happy and focused and then I notice how stupid they are. Even the smartest of them all has the same thinking ability as a stick. And I am sick of it. I am sick of having to keep all to myself because they wouldn't be able to comprehend me, sick of having to hear misinformation come out of their mouths on a daily basis.
But I can't really complain because at least they know who they are. They know what they want and what they have. Going my that logic, I'm the Oh so revered majesty of the brainless sticks. The worst of all. One who doesn't even know oneself. I wish I wasn't just a phantom presence everywhere I go...