before | lisrene

VI

Irene graduated 2 years ago with Junmyeon. During her graduation, Lisa stood at the back of their school's auditorium and admired the girl one last time. She left right before Irene went to the crowd to her mom while holding Junmyeon's hand.
Around the same time, she came into the realization that she's into girls and it terrified her, way more than what she felt when she first came to South Korea. Homosexuality in South Korea is generally being frowned upon unlike in Thailand. She thought about her parents, how they would react if they find out. By then Lisa realized that her parents always loved her. There are times in her childhood that she wasn't particularly easy and yet she never feel unloved. Sometimes she blames herself why her parents didn't give her a sibling. Now she's all alone in this world. Her woes were buried deep inside of her until she found out that she can confide to the only person that she can say she's closest to.

Ten.

Lisa and Ten are watching True Crime. She's been fidgeting on her seat since she sat down beside her cousin. She's been being bugged by Irene's memories for the entire year. Not that there's plenty. All she can think about is the day that Irene saved her against those bullies. How she's attracted to someone who seems to be sweet but is also cruel. It's stupid but it didn't stop her from stealing a copy of the graduation program where Irene's face is on the first page with her achievements listed and her status as the class valedictorian is being celebrated. The black and white picture didn't give Irene's beauty the justice she deserves. Her eyes looked gaunt in black but Lisa knows that it's dark brown in person. There may be a handful of encounters between the two of them but it's only Lisa who sees Irene. For Irene, she's not existing.

"Are you constipated?" Ten asked.

"W-what?" Lisa asked. She's been staring blankly at the television, not understanding a thing.

"Do you need a deworming capsule?" Ten asked again.

Lisa looked at Ten, finally realizing what he's asking.
"Y-yuck, oppa. N-no." She replied.

"You've been uneasy, since you went home this afternoon." Ten replied as he opens a can of Mountain Dew. The pop of the can allowed Lisa to focus. She needs to be present and maybe Ten can help.

Ten started drinking from the can, not looking at Lisa.

Lisa averted her gaze too and went back to watching the story of a guy who murdered his entire family to be with his mistress.

"Ten.." Lisa can see Ten pause from her peripheral.
"I think I am gay." She whispered.

Ten let out a sigh before talking. "I thought you'd say something bad."

Lisa felt her eyes started welling. She's happy and sad at the same time. She made a good decision confiding to Ten first. Her cousin looked at her.

"Why are you crying?" Ten asked.

Lisa let out a sob. Her cousin scooted close to her and put his arms on her shoulders. "Ssh. It's okay." Ten said. "I am glad you came to me first."

At the same moment, her Aunt Dara came out of her room. She gave a puzzled look at the cousins who are sitting close together. "What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing, Mom."
"I am gay."

Aunt Dara just nodded and padded her way to the kitchen. The two cousins just sat in silence, tensed.
When Aunt Dara emerged from the kitchen, she passed by the two cousins, she paused.
"If it helps, I had a fair share with women when I was young."