before | lisrene

XXIII

"I am glad you came back, Irene. Eventhough it took you a long time." Dr. Yoo said as she points at the La-Z boy in front of her own chair. The doctor has a clipboard and a pen in hand.

Irene sat quietly. It's been around 5 years since the first and last time she visited her therapist. Seulgi doesn't know that she tried getting help but the burden of everything that happened took too much toll on her and trying to talk about it for the first time resulted to nothing.

Irene gave Dr. Yoo a tight-lipped smile. She just wants to to talk to someone who she knows won't judge her. When she walked out of the doctor's office, Dr. Yoo tried calling her everyday.. then every week to once a month. The last time the doctor reached out to her was when the former was about to get married, right around the same time Irene was appointed as the company's President. She remember sending a wedding gift, but failed to attend. She felt weirded out of the extent the doctor tried getting her back to therapy, but now all she feel was shame.

"I'm sorry." Was all Irene can reply.

"There's nothing to apologize about." Dr. Yoo replied. "I just hope you won't run again this time." The doctor added with a hint of amusement in her voice.

Irene knows that the doctor is waiting for her to say anything but her mind has been elsewhere. Everytime her mind becomes idle, her thoughts linger on the words that Jisoo told her. A child. Lisa and her has a daughter named Lia. The coffeeshop where she met Roseanne and Jisoo is named after their child, a child that up until last week Irene doesn't have any idea exists. A child that most likely doesn't know that she has another mom. Irene's whirlwind of emotions for the past week almost made her give up on everything. The previous night she found herself crying in from of her aunties' graves asking for intervention. Just like before her pleas were unheard, she doesn't have anyone, and everything is falling apart. After hours of crying she felt lighter and found herself calling Dr. Yoo who agreed to see her.

"Irene?"
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Dr. Yoo asked.

"Y-yes."
Irene sighed deeply, then she started talking.

Dr. Yoo listened to her attentively, she's determined to find out how deep the burden is of the woman she just saw in the television the other night. That Irene is a lot different from the Irene she is facing now.

Irene went on to tell about the divorce papers, her dad's crimes, her mom's and Taeyeon and Tiffany's deaths, the company's demise. She avoided talking about Lia, as she's not sure where to start about her daugher. When she's done, she's breathing heavily while Dr. Yoo handed her a bottle of water which she only took a sip from.

"I don't know if the universe hates me, doctor. I keep on asking myself, do I deserve all of the things that happened to me?"

"First of all, you are so brave in telling me all of these. I can't imagine how hard it has been for you, and I am grateful that this time you reached out to get help. Sometimes, an outside perspective can do wonders.. I am not saying that whatever I'll say can change anything but I am here to hear you out. Have you heard from Lisa?"

Irene hesitated. She's not sure if she wants to prioritize addressing her relationship with Lisa now when the company is already facing a mass lay-off.

"No, doctor. She have messengers that I exchange conversations with."

"It seems like you see the things that are happening to you as a consequence of what you did years ago. I am not saying that you need to see and talk to her but I will start saying that none of these events are your fault, Irene. Sometimes, life just gives everything to someone not because the universe hates you. It's just that things happen because they are bound to happen. But my question is, what do you want to achieve after all of these? It's all up to you to weigh things up and make up your mind. But the looks of it, you are trying to gain Lisa back and at the same time you are trying to keep the company, which is by your words, you can only have one."