Words left in the abyss

7 June 20.. 17:52

To the true love of my life , the only girl who could hasten the pace of my heart . I have a little too much to say but I wanna start with apologizing for everything you were and are still the only girl I love till this day and I messed up what we had, what we had was special very special and I ruined it by letting people like Gordon get in my head and by not being truly honest with you but most of all I'm sorry for distancing myself from you and ignoring you all because I felt like I didn't deserve you anymore even though I still want to be with you. I made it seem as if you didnt exist and I know you'restring but I'm sure that really hurt your feelings and I'm sorry , to be honest every single day I regret ever listening to Gordon and letting him get between us and its not his fault but I still regret it. I also regret not being good enough for you.
But I'm happy that ofentse is there for you and that he makes you happy cause that's all I ever wanted and I failed. I know he won't but I really hope he doesn't do the dumb things I did.

You remember how the past 2 years I made promises to always love and care for you and how I couldn't live without you? Well I didn't lie about that and living without you in my life is unbearable and there's just so much noise in my head that I can't focus. There's that voice in my head that tells me not to cry and to go to you and work things out but there's another voice that keeps telling me to keep my pride and not do anything. There's a qoute that says it's so much easier to die for someone but much harder to live for them.

I realize now that you rejecting me didn't mean that we should end our relationship with each other.

And I also want to apologize for what to you on your birthday last year what I did that day haunts me and I regret it , it makes me so ashamed of myself and I understand that I hurt you and I will make it up to you no matter what even if you don't want me to

I JUST CAN'T LET YOU GO. NOT YET. IM NOT ABLE TO.