She makes her way.. Through It All.

Chapter 4

I sit there alone in the shade of a tree, cornered by the world, a place where I seek solace. Ever since I began with my college, this place became my favorite. Every time I feel sad, I come here, sit alone and spend time with myself.

The place is cosy, a park surrounded by loads of trees. A few big ones, but the one with the most outstretched branches and lush green leaves, remains my favorite. I often come to sit in the shade of this tree, try to read a book, sit alone wondering about things or maybe just sit doing nothing.

In my growing years I had learnt and realized that people neared me as and when they required. I couldn't actually confine in someone to voice my heart and my thoughts. I've always been a good listener and was there to counsel people, but in the recent years, my world had gone topsy-turvy and I no longer knew how to counsel my own self. So all I'd started doing was to come here, sit under the shade of this tree, watch people go by, busy living in their own world, unaware of existence of world surrounding them.

I wondered if someone sat in the shade wondering the same like I do. I watched children play games and bickering over little issues, hitting each other and again start playing together. I watch a child arguing with his mother to buy him an ice cream. I wonder if they ever knew that the world isn't a wish granting factory and is not always fair. I look up in the sky and gaze at the birds. I wonder if they also faced troubles and miseries. My mind wondered a thousand different questions, questioning the very existence of this world, when suddenly I heard a similar chirp by my side,

"Hey"

I turned around to find it was none other than Ryan. I was too upset to be shocked, to find him finding me at my secret place, so I quietly turned my face away.

'Whats up? Sitting alone?', he tried to begin with a conversation, but I didn't feel like replying.

'Nice day, huh?' And I just nodded asking myself what was nice about it? Having quarrels at your house all day and night long, having to run away from your house like an insane, having to sit alone, not finding any answer to your troubles, not even being able to figure out, why are you asking yourself these things? What's nice about it?

"So.. How is it? I look good today, Don't I?"

"Yeah." I said.

"You look good too, you know?"

"Yeah"

"Today I was reading the book you were mentioning about yesterday, "No Place Like Home", you know it's pretty amazing. Though, I've just begun with it, I've started liking it on an instant. Good taste in reading, haan"

I knew he was lying just to cheer me up. Ryan was not a 'give me a book to read to spend my time' kind of a person. He hardly liked to read his textbooks, let alone any other book. I couldn't quite understand why he was doing it? Why did he have to lie to cheer me up? Why did he have to cheer me up in the first place? Why would he come here finding me? Why does he have to be here when all I want in this world, is to be alone? Why does he have to sympathize? I elope from the world just to save myself from fake sympathies, so why does he bother to sit right next to me?

He began the conversation again, "And umm yeah, yesterday, I watched Twilight too." Which I knew, he was lying. The thoughts of him being troubled just to help me bothered me and I snapped back at him like a beast scaring away a little creature,

"Why the hell in this world do you have to lie to me Ryan? Do you think I am a fool, I don't get it? The other day you were all like, these twilight like rubbish should be banned, the people who write, publish and read books should be caged, I say mimicking him, and today when you somehow manage to find me at my hiding place, you are sympathizing with me, because you see I am in misery, you know I am troubled. But you know what? I don't want to trouble you or anyone else in this world. I don't need your consolations and I don't want you to lie to me at all, please. You may go now."

With this, I broke down, I started sobbing. I didn't know what else to do. I dug my head down onto my knees, covered my head up with my arms and cried until I felt his strong arms wrap around me. I kept crying for a little more, and somehow, his warmth made me feel better. He made me feel that it's okay to feel low at times. I held on to him, feeling better with each passing moment. When he too, thought I was better, he asked,

"Can I ask you what happened now?"

And this time, I didn't feel like snubbing him or snapping back, so I nodded, and began to narrate what had happened,

"I am worried, Ryan. I am worried because my family is tearing apart. We used to be a very happy family. I feel like my home's turning into an asylum. I don't know what to do? I can't see them fighting and quarreling over little useless issues. It is just not right anymore. Nothing is."

He noticed tears dripping down my eyes and he held on to me, engulfing me into a comforting hug. There was something about his hug, even though I felt for him, and he reciprocated my feelings, his arms around me had no feeling or intention of lust in them. They were just there as comforting arms, making me forget things are any wrong. I have been the girl who never lets any boy into 2 meters distance from her, and here he was, a friend, who gave me the same comforting feeling as Sehar and Swara would.

He walks me to the ice cream stall and buys me double chocolate ice cream. Man, no arms can do the favor chocolate does to you, I say it in my head, obviously, or I would hurt the boy standing just by my side, who has factually bought me this ice cream, who has been instrumental in consoling me today, yes I said it in my head.

"No man can do the favor, chocolate does to you"

I hear Ryan voicing out my thoughts. I start cursing myself in my head. Had I said it too loud in my head? But then too, I had said it right inside of my head, he can't hear it.

Or gosh, has my head started leaking out thoughts? What am I even thinking?
But how could he possibly read out my mind, does he have a transmitter or a chip fixed in my brain? But then again, I am a psychology student, and I know, my brain has nothing to do with my thoughts. It's all the mind, how would he even reach my mind? uh-m... I might have said it out loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh woman! Stop bickering with yourself inside your head. I just made out what you wanted to say through your expressions! No rocket science involved in here."

And I smile, realizing how foolish I have been! Transmitter? Head leaking out thoughts?

I laugh at the thought of it and look at Ryan. I really laugh out loud.

"I really think I am funny out there in my head, Ryan! I really am!!!" I say laughing.

He nods in response. He never ever denies my obsessive compliments about myself. Seems like I found the guy! And yes, I go back home, happy and chirpy. Thanks to Ryan.