A Message From FuckShinMao

FuckShinMao: Pt 2

Hello, I've given my co-writer permission to create this account and share this message since I myself cannot log onto Wattpad or anything, the reason will be shared in this message. I know some of you will think this is a load of trash and say that this is a fake user, but this is the only way I can reach you guys IN APP and not on A03.

So um... this is sort of upsetting to write, but I'm going to type this to let you guys know what's happening. I've been putting off writing this message, but I think now's the time. I am so sorry.

I'm not going to keep writing this, or Fuzzy Memories, or any of my stories on here. I'm not even going to finish chapter 3. It's sad, but I can't keep lying to you, my readers, and myself by saying I'll work on it. Please don't even bother trying to continue it yourselves with your own versions, I want this story to stay dead.

If any of my readers from the beginning want to know exactly what the hell is going on, let me explain so you can get a full picture of why I left and why I don't want anyone to continue this story on their own.

Spoiler warning, this is personal and more of a vent if anything. Not even my cowriter knew half of this before this message's existence.

So strap in, folks, we're going down memory lane!

In January of 2021, I was in some deep shit, no sugar-coating it. It was a very dark part in my life and one of the worst times to remember. I wasn't okay. But there was something keeping me mildly sane during that time, fan fiction and Mao Mao Heroes of Pure Heart. Yeah, my standards are THAT LOW-

It was the light in the dark for me, the salt in the chip, the furniture in a room, and so I decided to cope with my issues by creating the "Overloved AU," based on a post I saw on Tumblr.

And holy fuck, it was BAD. It physically HURTS to remember just how- HOW GOOD I THOUGHT IT WAS- I THOUGHT I WAS THE SHIT, A WRITING GOD- IT'S SO CRINGY!!!

I'm only half joking. The grammar was awful, the pacing was like driving on a freeway and then going straight into a school zone. The plot must've been smoking ketamine from the dumpster behind my local 7-Eleven because it was batshit crazy. Why the hell did Badgerclops and Adorabat spend less than 5 chapters searching only for me to half-ass it and have them discover where he was in a stupid newspaper? Why did it take so long for a bunch of 'competent' heroes TO FIND A VERY FAMOUS HERO THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THEM?!? I swore so much that it puts all the sailors currently on the Pacific Ocean COMBINED to shame! Like, there were 12 'bitch'es types per regular word!

Overall (or should I say... overLOVED, BADUM, TSSSS-), it was trash. I could go on about all the problems with it for hours, if you guys want, I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO WRITE A SEPARATE ESSAY ON WHY IT SUCKS!!! But you guys seemed to like it! And I mean, A LOT- Last time I checked, there were over 2k views. It helped me so much! I had passion, I had the drive! I had a reason to keep smiling! And then I wrote the Fuzzy Memories (which has its OWN bones I'd like to pick at), and life was starting to look up a bit!

And then, in late February, my parents discovered my Reddit. Shit went down. Oof

It would be one thing if they discovered it four months earlier than when they did. But around this time, I decided to start using my account as a diary of some sort. There was... a lot of dark and personal stuff on it. A lot.

So, my parents decided to put all my shit on restricted mode. I don't know why the fuck they did that, but I assume it's because they thought the internet was the cause of my issues like the oldies they are. And please don't blame them, it was for the best, to be honest considering my situation.

So yeah, a lot of the apps I used were thrown into the "locked section." I STILL can't visit Tumblr.

I've been able to get past some of the restrictions because I'm one determined son of a bitch, but one big player I COULDN'T and still can't get past was Wattpad. It's WHY I'm sharing this on A03 instead of Wattpad! I didn't even get past the blocks for this god-forsaken website until MID-OCTOBER!!!

I was BROKEN. The Wattpad stories meant EVERYTHING to me. You readers meant EVERYTHING to me. So I tried. I still wrote but using my Google Docs instead in hopes of sharing them all when (more like IF) I got the site back. I posted the second half of "Fuzzy memories" onto fanfiction.net (which I have deleted cuz it's also trash). I had my friend/co-writer comment on your Wattpad questions to let you know what's up.

I TRIED, I tried so hard to keep moving forward. I even edited some things! Did you know in my current Overloved idea, Tanya Keys and/or Bao Bao were the ones who helped Badgerclops and Adorabat find Mao Mao? Did you know that his sisters were a lot more chill and willing to let him do things behind their dad's back? I actually rewrote the ENTIRE script of both stories I've mentioned before! Yes, EVERYTHING. At one point, I thought about GIVING my co-writer my Wattpad account! That's how DESPERATE I was! AND I ALMOST WENT THROUGH WITH IT, I EVEN GAVE HER MY PASSWORD AND AT THE LAST MINUTE I WENT "NOPE, I CAN'T DO THIS!!!"

But then... I stopped having passion because I can only go so long. The quality of my writing started to feel... soulless, and I just couldn't do it anymore. And the comments wouldn't stop. My account is connected to my email, so that meant I kept getting messages about you guys constantly asking "Where's the next update?" "Where'd you go?" "Please, I love this!" "Hey, when will you update?" WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO REPLY-

I'm happy you guys enjoyed it, and I know it's not your fault for wondering and waiting, but I need you to stop asking. Please. Also, DO NOT THREATEN OR INSULT ANYONE WHO HAS ASKED, THAT'S A DICK MOVE!!! I'm just saying to stop asking, not to tell anyone they smell like cheese, you guys are better than this!

And now... I'm better. Remember how I said I used my fanfiction as my outlet? Well, I'm getting better. And I'm healthier than when I started. Sure, I still have problems and I'm still sorta fucked in the head, but dammit I'm better than before!

But the sad thing is that the Mao Mao stories I wrote... them simply existing reminds me of how bad my life and mind were when I began this journey. How broken and alone I felt. I need to move on, I need a break.

Maybe one day, I'll get the courage to continue. Who knows, maybe I'll rewrite it but replace the characters with my own OCs! But that won't happen any time soon.

My readers, I love you guys so much. You guys are the main reason I'm where I am today. You have unknowingly saved my soul and heart, and I can NEVER repay you. You have no idea how much you've pushed me through the dark times through your silly comments and mini-rants about how fucking AWFUL Shin Mao is. And I feel so sorry for giving up on this, but I need to keep going.

Don't bother trying to revive it on your own, don't bother commenting on the original, and don't blame yourselves. It's none of your fault. It's just me trying to put my life and happiness first for once. I don't want to see anyone throwing a fit about not being able to see it through to the end, PLEASE, I want you all to drop this, and I want to move on.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. And to all of you who stayed waiting since the beginning, I salute you! I couldn't be happier to see the joy I've brought to your lives, even if just a little bit!

So, yeah. I'm actually tearing up writing this, it's so damn bittersweet! I NEED A TISSUE- I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! AND KEEP BEING AWESOME!!! Holy crap, it sounds like I'm saying goodbye before moving to a completely different country or before the hero sacrifices themselves for the sake of the universe! Except it's just a dumbass highschooler saying that they probably won't continue their shitty Wattpad story, LMAO-

How many "bye" paragraphs am I going to write?!? Dammit! Eat your cats and snuggle your vegetables! Also, if anyone wants to chat personally for fun, like talk about how much Shin Mao sucks, I'm open!

Tl;Dr : Dumbass teen coped with life through a cartoon character with a glorified glowstick, got booted off the app, and ended up losing passion before continuing.