THE Cruise

Chapter 1

I snuck in my thong this time. Heroine was going with me. I have 2 weeks to impress Heroine so he doesn't run away. I have the feeling that he will be impressed. I don't have to worry.

The last day of school is always a blur but today I remember every single bit of it.

I woke up, got ready, and went to school. I would say I joined my friends at the breakfast table, but I don't have any. I snuck Heroine in to class in my satchel. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that heard his nibbling noises... At least I hope so. I had math. I got a 69 on my homework from last year. I then had reading class. I read a book about the ingredients in paint. It was on my reading list. Only mine. Not anyone else's. Then I went to science. We played a game where whoever blows up the most balloons wins. A girl named Calpurnia won in my class. She is nice. She passed out. My second to last class of the day was history. I learned about Osama. We did a word search about that day. I got a 42. My last class of the day is dance. I'm the captain of the dance team so I showed everyone my spectacular dance that I would be performing this summer at dance camp. I'm forced to go to that camp. I'm so excited. After dance, school was dismissed and I came home to pack.

***

We hopped in our fruity, white van and drove 120 mph down to the beach and the cruise port. It was only about 421- no 420 minutes away.

We boarded the ship and found our room. It had a bunk bed in it. Just kidding. My mom got the luxurious room. I know it's so unlike her but the room was wooooooow! The ocean was wooooooow too. After an hour later, we were waved goodbye by strangers on the dock and we were out to sea.

The first thing I saw today was scary. It was a shark. I saw one in the water. It had those little stinging tentacles. They are clearish-pink and they are one word:

Scary.

My mom jumped in the water on top of them. She started crying. It was kind of funny. But don't tell her I said that. We were able to jump off the boat and go swimming. I was concerned but my mother wasn't. She just jumped right in. I didn't want to jump in, so I just tanned. My mom had to be rushed to the cruise clinic. She is in the room putting ice all over her dang body. She is also naked. It looked like she had been whipped all over her body. My dad is the only one in there. Jeremie and I went to go swimming in the pools on the boat.

My mom was finally done with her ice procedure and it was time for dinner. We went to a party on the boat that served free food. I had a hot dog with potatoes and watermelon with a lemonade. It was yummy. After dinner they started dancing and people sang karaoke. My mom and dad did a duet of a High School Musical song. People were yelling encore to be funny which made my parents sing another HSM song. Everyone left. After they sang, everyone came back to dance so they started dancing. Which was a completely different story. My mom and dad started twerking and grinding. Jeremie and I secretly went back to our room and we got ready for bed. My parents came back to our room at 3 in the morning and they screamed at us because they were looking all over for us. I started crying and then we went to go swimming.

At lunch time, we were served some nachos for the family. 2 orders of them actually. They were great. After that, they let us jump of the boat and go snorkeling if we wanted to. My dad and I went snorkeling but my mom and Jeremie stayed on the boat to eat more.

My dad and I got our gear on and went for a swim. As soon as I jumped in and put my face in the water, I looked through my goggles and saw a jellyfish it was swimming at the bottom of us. It had a long tail that could sting us. When I saw it, I jumped on my father and he started drowning.

"It's. A. Sting. Ray." My dad tried to say.
"Ehehhhhhhhhhh!" I say ignoring him.
"It's. OKAY!" My dad screamed.

Everyone looked at us with a weird face. I smiled sheepishly and continued drowning my dad. "STOP, YOU SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!" He screeched. People were still looking at us. I stopped drowning him.

"IT IS A GOSH DANG STING RAY! PEOPLE TAKE OFF THEIR GOSH DANG STINGERS SO WE CAN SWIM WITH THEM!" My dad yelled. I look at the water below me and see another "sting ray" come toward me.

"I thought they were jellyfish, Dad." I confess.
"No son." He says as she shakes his head in Disappointment.
"Okay, whatever." I say still unsure about whether it really is a sting ray and not a jellyfish. My dad gave my a glare and paddled off.

"Gaytard." I mumble to myself.