STUCK

35

i watched daya walk up to bennett and tell him about lucy. he went to call it but she stopped him because she knew it would ruin the day for everyone.

i was bouncing mateo on my lap, he was getting really fussy at this point. so i decided to go for a walk hoping that'll make him stop.

i see Doggett sitting on the grass in front of a bunch of stick crosses stuck into the ground, she had her hands up in prayer and eyes close.

"hey Doggett" i say standing in front of her, she opens her eyes but squints as i moved to block the sun from her eyes.

"diaz" she answeres.

"whatcha doing?" i say sitting on the floor next to her stick playground, placing mateo on my lap. i pick up one of the spare sticks that didnt have names of them and let mateo hold it. he stuck it in his mouth and sucked away.

"praying for my unborn babies. hoping god will let them into heaven even though i was wicked" she says closing her eyes again and starts muttering her nonsense 

"you know that just because you got" i paused to count the sticks "six abortions doesnt mean youre wicked" 

"yes it does, i was weak" she opened her eyes and looks at mateo "my babies couldve look like youres. well not really because i never fucked a black man but you know" she says in her odd accent. i chuckle at the comment because of how she said it "i couldve been a mom, but no. i chose to get them sucked out. and now their paying for it" dogget pointed to the named sticks.

"youre babies are in heaven. god forgives and understands that you weren't in a place to raise a healthy child" i said, putting my hand on her shoulder. her tight lipped smile showed me that she appreciated the words. i wasnt really religious, because if god exists then why would he put anyone through what i went through.

"thank you diaz" she smiled genuinely, she took her sticks out of the ground and held them to her chest, i could tell she wanted some alone time so i went to look around the yard to see all the happy mothers playing with their kids, i passed gloria and her kid. everyone seemed to be having a great time, im happy i got to spend more than thirty minutes with mateo too.

===

i had the sudden urge to pee so i headed to the porta potties near the gates, sitting there chatting were lorena and nicky.

"hey vera" nick said as i walked up to grab a roll of toilet paper from the table. "hey nick" i say sitting mateo on the table because he was hurting my hip, hes much bigger then when i last held him this long.

"cute kid" lorena said snarkily, i knew she didnt like me. its probably because of all the subtle flirting nicky and i do, i knew they fucked in the past.

"yeah thanks, wheres yours?" i say reminding her of the lies she spoke earlier. she rolled her eyes and i smiled knowing i won "hey nick, can you play mommy for a second and hold him" i say smirking as her eyebrows raise at the word mommy. she nodded and reached for mateo, sitting him on her lap. he instantly reached for the closest roll of paper and started ripping it apart.

"ill play mommy anytime for you V" she laughed, i winked and walked into the bathroom, holding my breath as i entered.

coming out and spotting nicky making silly faces at my kid i smile, she looked so sweet and innocent.

"good job mommy, you got him to laugh" i say placing the roll down and watch as she drops her face in embarrassment of being caught.

"its cute dont worry" i smirking at morello and picking up my son.

the siren blairs right as was about to walk away, kids scream at the loud noise and mothers try to sooth them. 

i sit mateo down and lay on my stomach next to nicky. mateo burst out in tears and starts wailing his head off.

all the methods that usually work on crying babies werent working so nicky grabbed something she obviously snatched off another mother and stuck it in his mouth, he started sucking away at the blue micky mouse dummy "its clean dont worry" nicky said watching my face lose its discomfort.

===

the alarms had stopped ringing and it was time for the parents to hand over their children. i kissed all my kid siblings and my son goodbye. 

after that i went to healy's office to ask to put my little brother and sisters on my visitation list because having them here has made me realise how much i missed them.

hey readers, omg im so sorry about the long wait for this chapter ive just been busy. id like to thank 

JuicyyAvocado

for all the great convos abt my book and for the constant motivation. 

all your reads are much appreciated <3