Rot The Fruit

ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ/ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ*

Ｔｒｉｇｇｅｒ Ｗａｒｎｉｎｇ ！！

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I tried many stories in the past, but I have learned that I must learn about myself before I learn about what I want to be on paper. I've tried making aesthetic boards, I've tried drawing my characters, but it doesn't seem to work. Probably because I want to write, and that's not writing, more like art.

But I would say writing is art. Our brains splattered on paper. But I am frustrated now, because I have no ideas. So I am typing this shitty thing, trying to get ideas.

And yes, if you cuss it shows lack of intelligence. But nobody is perfect. I curse. I'm too young to curse. But I curse. So my characters will curse. My characters will think things that they are not supposed to. They will be my thoughts, and they will be thoughts I've heard out of others.

You will not like them. They will be bad. They will offend you. They will make me feel like a bad person for writing them. In regular books, they don't write trigger warnings. For example, my favorite book, It. It has a whole child orgy and do you think Steven King put a "*" in the chapter to warn his readers? Fuck no. This book is mature. I've been through shit. You've probably been through shit too. For this chapters sake, I put a trigger warning. But I won't for future chapters. If you cannot handle sex, violence, death, drugs, self harm, mental illness, slurs and vulgar language this book is not for you. I'm sorry, find another book to read.

Feelings are chemical. Love, hate, fear . . . it is all electricity in our big, stupid, heads. This is something I found out. Love is just lust masked by obsession. For family, it is just need, dependency. I love my family, but all my feelings are chemicals. But will my characters know that? Probably not. Love is a concept I am jealous of, but I cannot write about it because I have not felt it romantically. So my characters will think they feel it, but it is all in their heads. They are puppets.

I want to work in psychiatry, but I think writing will do just fine while I'm young. I love my little brother, I love my father, and my mother. I love my grandmother, my nana, and my cousins. I don't have many friends, but I love the ones who are there.

Don't steal my original shit, I'll cry. 

Mwah.

-A