Bruises (BWWM)

10

10

Tamra

"You're missing out on so much," had drawled on Kassi, smoothing her super straight dark hair down with her fingers. She tugged onto her dark cardigan a bit and pulled her already-short skirt upwards. She checked her reflection inside of the girls' bathroom mirror once more before facing me. "It's almost as if you're avoiding us. Are you?"

Guilt suddenly washed over me. Was she really asking me this on purpose or was she innocently questionning me? Either one it was, I felt absolutely horrible.

"What are you talking about?" Amber intervened, ever so naive. "Tammy would never avoid us!"

I stared back at them. Kassi was right. Declining phone calls, never answering texts, rushing to take the bus instead of riding Amber's car, in a way, I was avoiding them.

I needed time to myself to meditate on the crazy story I was still trying to digest as to why my mother had stopped talking. The story Ben told me a week ago at Macounty Sanitarium.

But even before learning about it, I had started to significantly distance myself from my friends. I think the reason was simple : I was sick of being around them; I was tired of always being compared to pretty Amber, amazing Faye and funny Kassi. I hated being constantly in their company and feeling bad about myself because of it.

They were everything I never could've been. Perfect. That was a pretty shallow and intuitive guess to make from my part, but that was how I truly felt when I was with them.

And somehow, being with Ben challenged my perception of the whole thing. When I concentrated my energy on figuring him, I forgot for a few instants that they were better than me in ways I couldn't even begin to list.

With Ben, I felt complete, like I didn't need to add or do anything else to perfect myself.

Being with him just made me feel better.

But I could never admit that to the other girls. They'd disapprove of why I was often seen out with Ben. They'd snicker at how stupid I was to seek acceptance in him. Plus, they absolutely didn't need to know about my mother's real story. That was a secret I was only willing to share with him.

Faye stood on my right, looking absent and upsettingly quiet.

She brought up two fingers up to touch her dry lips to apply gloss on them and stared intently in my direction inside of the rectangular mirror. We locked eyes and I could feel her boiling anger coming my way.

"Of course, she's not avoiding us on purpose, she's being conditionned to by this Ben guy," she broke from her silence and rolled her eyes, "Just admit it. You've spent so much time chasing him everywhere, desperately trying to grasp his attention."

I furrowed my brows. Kassi and Amber saw this as their cue to leave, sensing that the upcoming conversation was none of their business, grabbing their bags and swirming out to join the deserted hallway.

I wanted to run after them and force them to stay, their presence would've probably done some good to soothe Faye's fury, but they were out of reach, gone and I was too late. I could feel sweat prickle down my spine and I had difficulty gulping down my saliva.

When Faye was angry. She didn't mess around.

She was a hurricane. A tornado. A tsunami. She was destruction.

And I was scared she'd destroy our friendship, because right here, right now, she had the power to wreck it.

"Look, I know it may seem like I'm undervaluing our friendship for some guy, but it's not what it really is..." I begun, but she rudely cut me off, raising her pale skinny fingers in the air.

"Spare me your excuses. We are best friends Tam, I deserve a fully honest answer and not some stupid explanation you just came up with."

I looked into Faye's grey eyes and couldn't help but think about how much she resembled Alex. When I stared into her eyes, it felt like I bore into his. And it just rendered me even more nervous.

I bit my lip as I thought about the reply I should give her. I didn't want to lie to her. I wouldn't.

"I'm sorry... I can't," I hesitantly denied, feeling guilt shower over me once more as her eyes darkened in pain.

I was hurting her so much.

"Why are you even doing it?" she asked, her eyes starting to water, "Is this some type of sick game you're trying to pull on my brother to make him jealous? By hooking up with his enemy, the guy he hates the most on Earth? Ben Sutters? I never enjoyed the thought of you with my brother but this? Really? If that's what it is, then that's pretty low of you Tamra. But then again, you've always been one to kill the vibe and ruin everything. I just never thought you'd go at these demesurate lenghts to hurt my brother. And me."

Faye shook her head in disbelief, leaving the school's bathroom and me alone. I wanted to extend my arm and stop her, but I felt weak, immobile and cribbled with guilt. If only she knew how wrong she was.

After a few minutes, I finally got myself to leave the bathroom and venture outside the hallways that were completely empty as everyone else was busy eating inside of the cafeteria.

I decided to go outside to enjoy a little bit of sun. Skipping lunch today -as my argument with Faye had made the hunger from my stomach vanish entirely- seemed like a great idea. As I opened the doors that led outside, I noticed somebody was already sitting onto the few steps that led to the front of the schoool or to the freedom that was the parking lot of Vanio High. Depended on how you saw it.

That person was Ben. Smoking a cigarette. I couldn't help myself but snatch it from his fingers and step on it.

It became a habit more than a urge.

"Haven't had enough?" he said, looking up at me as if I was a challenge he really wanted to get over with. "I've got three words for you. 'Leave me alone'. Please?"

I rolled my eyes at that last statement. Didn't he know I wouldn't go away simply because he told me to?

"How can you open up to me so honestly and yet, still push me away so brutally the next day?" I demanded, taking a seat a few feet next to him, dead serious, still undefeated. "Who was that girl whose picture I found in your house?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking at me with a frown.

"I know my rights, I don't owe you anyhing, especially not an answer to this question. Now, I'm warning you, if you're awaiting something out of me, I'm only gonna crush you..."

"Then try me. My friends already hate me because of you. Because I can't be honest with them when it comes to you. Nothing can be worse right now," I carelessly blurted out. "Are you worried that if you tell me about your dead sister, I'm going to share her fate or something?"

"And what would make you think that I'm worried about you Tamra?" he sighed, an adorable amused and boyish grin smeared across his face.

"I don't know," I shrugged, an unvoluntarly smirk tugging at the corners of my lips, "It's just the vibe you give off."

Ben then laughed and I observed the small dimples digging two small holes into his cheeks. Man, he was beautiful. I didn't know how I kept forgetting that detail. It was rare to see him appear happy, but whenever it happened, I could feel my heart constrict into my chest and my knees failing under me. Good thing I was sitting down.

His eyes scanned my reaction and he then did the unexpected.

He got up, grabbed my hand, offered me a cute smile that almost seemed genuine and said :

"Since you won't go away anyways, let's go to my apartment, I'll tell you everything you want to know so you'll leave me alone for good. Let's uncover the truth behind these bruises."