affection

nine

wednesday

fabric clumps benath kai's back, his shirt has ridden up and it's uncomfortable. he sits up from his bed and turns off his alarm which had gone off about twenty minutes ago, he was already awake. he yawns and looks around his room, his eyes stop when they reach his desk. dark wood, stained with coffee and ink, the top layer is peeling already. his father bought this desk for him when he started school, the chair has left dents in his floor from swinging on it too many times. kai huffs and wanders over to it, he picks up the papers he disregarded a month ago and picks up a pen.

ink had wrapped itself around the pen and dried from leaking out, but he hasn't bothered to buy more. he writes on one of the papers that he'll attend, and seals it back into an envelope, licking it closed. kai glares at the stamps on the wedding invite his brother sent, he feels guilt lodge itself in his throat when he's reminded he has lied to his boyfriend, again.

he shoves them in his pocket and strolls into the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix his hair, then back into his bedroom so he can get dressed. on the way downstairs, he knocks on his mother's door which had been left ajar. she tells him to come inside.

"i'm uh, going to liam's wedding." he stumbles over his words when he sees layla, sitting in between his mother's legs while she brushes her hair. he swallows the hurt and continues, "with elliot. just thought i should let you know."

his mother looks up but her hands still move, "oh that's great, really. i'm glas you and your brother are working to be on better terms."

kai stares. at her fingers combing through hair, and at her hair. "yeah..."

he waits in the doorway for a moment, watching. layla turns her head to glare at him, raising a brow as if to say, why are you just standing there?

he leaves the room plagued with his own jealousy, it sticks in his throat like the lump of guilt from before. he finds it hard to swallow this one down. he slouches as he makes his way downstairs and takes a bite from the toast on the table which is obviously for her new child and not him. he hopes it's dry and unenjoyable by the time she's ready to eat. the kitchen's empty, eric must've already left for work.

elliot meets him a little way's up his street. "i was going to wait outside your door for you but you came out early. is your brother still home?"

kai almost snaps, he wanted to yell that he never came and elliot's naïve to think one of his family members would actually be anything good. that he has his hopes up for nothing because his brother isn't a nice person, that he should stop asking about him because it ruins his day.

but he doesn't, instead he just shrugs. "got up early. didn't see him." because now he has to follow through with this lie he should never have made up.

elliot talks the rest of the walk to school, it calms him down to think that lio, being as perfect as he is, had major family problems. just like him. he explains what happened with his dad, kai nods to show he's listening but doesn't bother talking. he doesn't feel like talking.

school goes by okay, until english. layla sits in the seat by the door, he sits as far away from her as possible. she transferred to his class about a month ago or so. luckily, she's avoided him almost entirely. but alike his boyfriend, she's perfect. but hers in a worse way, as if she's rubbing it in when she looks at him like that. she has a lot of friends already, most of them are popular and they all adore her.

kai walks elliot home and asks if he's okay with everything that's going on. he says he's getting past it and is just waiting for his dad to own up to his mistakes.

"so, do you think your mom should forgive him?" kai knows that's a difficult question and he probably shouldn't have asked it.

he's quiet until they reach his door, kai figures he doesn't want to talk about it but eventually answers as he gets his key out to unlock it. "no."

kai is almost shocked at his answer, elliot is the most forgiving and kind person he knows, he's surprised there's no forgiveness here but figures this is very hard on him and he's been through a lot with this all.

he gets back home, everyone's at the table already. it's not even late.

his mother smiles at him, "come sit."

kai shakes his head and goes to walk upstairs but the woman stops him.

"please, kai. let's just make everything easy, okay?"

he wonders what that's supposed to mean, but not for long because he walks upstairs and puts his bag down and takes his jacket off. the same jacket he lent to elliot throughout the winter months, almost the whole season, as if he owned it. kai adores him.

he gets back downstairs and sits at the empty seat he's claimed as his. layla stole the chair he used to sit at. his mother pleaded him not to make it a big deal and to just take another seat, so he did, for her.

as soon as he sits down there's an odd silence, it's awkward again and horrible. kai picks at his food, the atmosphere really affects his appetite. eric pretends nobody else exists but his food, he doesn't look up once.

his mother and layla both pretend to enjoy all this, they eat, stare at him and eat again.

"you should be grateful for your mother, linda, because she's a great mom."

here we go again. he sighs, and stops picking at his food. he stops looking around the table and frowning at them, he stops looking anywhere but the bracelet on his wrist. all black with beads of blue. elliot gave it to him for his birthday, he hasn't taken it off since. imagining elliot's face makes him feel bad in this moment.

this moment which he'd do anything to get away from. he wants to shout, how would you know.

but he just keep repeating her words and the bounce off the cracks in his skull, it hurts. great mom, great mom, great mom.

here we go again. he rushes upstairs, crouches over the toilet seat and vomits. he's sweating, he can feel his hairline growing damp, he grips the side of the toilet and gags some more. there's tears in his eyes that sting like his throat. he wants never go downstairs again, never see anyone again. he feels disgusting and wants to die.

he slumps into his bedroom after flushing. he pulls out his phone and texts her, telling her she's an idiot and she should stay out of his business. she replies calling him an asshole, he doesn't respond, but instead, hearts her message. weary eyes send him to sleep soon after.

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