Not playing Cinderella

Not playing Cinderella [2]

 Not playing Cinderella [2]

Marriage?! The thought still boomed through my head, everything inside was shaking, and everything outside was upside down. I mean come on, I wasn't even seventeen yet, and she wanted me to commit my life to someone already. What was she trying to do? Get rid of me? Because it sounded that way. Don't get me wrong, i'd be over the moon if she did. Just not like this. Not marriage.

'Excuse me..ee'. I couldn't seem to let go of the word me, I was so shocked. I wanted her to tell me that I'd heard her wrong, or that this was a dream and sooner or later I'd wake up into the cold harsh reality of being a princess, but at least my mother wouldn't want me married!

'Samantha, I really can't make this any clearer to you. Its time you got married'. A smug grin was beginning to grow on her lips. 

Nasty bitch!

She knew she'd hit a nerve.

More like beat it with a hammer!

 I was speechless. For the first time in my life. I actually couldn't think of a witty remark in return. What was her problem? I turned my head away from her as I spun round on the chair i'd been sat on the entire time. The clock was still ticking in the reflection. The moment had passed. But it had taken longer than I'd thought. The moment hadn't slipped away from me like my usual memories. It had stuck around. Clinging on by a single thread.

 I desperately needed scissors to cut the thread, Letting it slip right out of my mind. Dragging my eyes around the room, I scanned, looking for something to focus on, something to draw my attention away from the tears that were growing in my eyes. 

I mentally cursed myself. Making sure it was silent, because I remember the last time I'd taken to cursing myself inside my head. It hadn't been inside my head, I'd said it all out loud. In front of my mother. Spilling out everything without even realising it. It'd been a mistake. A big mistake. Lets just say it had ended with a long, tiring week of being grounded with no music. The worst week of my life. 

Don't let her see she's hurt you. Okay, not hurt. More angered. Struck rage right through me.

Wedding bells were literally ringing out in my ears at such a volume i thought my ears would begin to bleed eventually. Damn it.

Whilst concentrating on the window on the opposite side of the room, a thought sprang into my mind, pushing all my strong feelings to one side. She couldn't make me get married to someone I didn't love. There was no one in this 'kingdom' that I wanted to spend the rest of my damn life with. There was no one here I wanted to spend even five minutes of my life with. Well, not without them seriously irritating me and me killing them. With a smile spreading across my face, I sighed. 

Panic over. There's nothing to worry about.

 She must have picked up on the thoughts behind the gleam in my eye and the smug smile across my lips. Damn. She was learning to read all my expressions. Damn!

 'You have one week, to choose someone to marry...'  

Sensing there was a 'But' coming, I closed my eyes. Too bad I couldn't close my ears. 

More like, too bad you can't close your mouth.

Shut up.

Something told me I really didn't want to hear what was coming next. I nibbled my lip, anxiously waiting for the end of her sentence. But she seemed to be hesitating, almost silently laughing, proudly, because she'd turned me into a nervous wreck in a matter of minutes. It really wasn't funny. It was sick in my opinion. But of cause, mum being mum, she didn't care about me or my opinions. Just her pathetic family tradition. And that's really all it was. I didn't fit into her family traditions and she didn't like it. I wasn't like Amber. I wasn't what she wanted in a daughter. I guess it was just that I wasn't Amber.

'....If you don't choose someone by the end of the week... I'll choose for you'. 

Again, Game. Set. Match to mum.

It felt like a stab in the back. Not only had she made me now, feel a shred of inferiority because I wasn't Amber, because I wasn't perfect, but now, she'd made me feel as if I was worthless to her. As if my opinions didn't matter at all to her. I didn't know why I was so surprised. But now, I felt hurt. Yeah. Okay, I admit it. I was hurt. Her words had struck a knife right through me.

My mothers stupid, pathetic words had hurt the bad girl princess with, supposedly, thick skin. I felt as if my heart was bleeding, and being refilled with sharp, painful words, like knifes. I felt weak, for the first time since dad had left.

 Dad had left two years ago, when I was fourteen, becoming fifteen and Amber had been fifteen, becoming sixteen. He'd ran off with the maid that had just started working in this town. He'd ran off to start a new life, he'd left me and Amber letters, explaining himself. Amber had burned hers. But mum hadn't let me even touch mine. I didn't know if it even existed anymore. My dad, is the reason I didn't believe in love anymore. 

Okay, so I guess there was a story behind it. Not a dramatic one, but definitely a story. So what? I'd lied. Big deal. So what, my dad was gone? Big deal? Yep. It had been for me. I'd clung to my dad every moment when he was around. He made me feel wanted. That was a time when I didn't have to hide my feelings and lock away my thoughts. I didn't spend my time trying to get on my mothers nerves. He wouldn't have made me get married. Maybe if he was still here, Amber still would be. Maybe.

 Mum vowed never to love another man again, because all men were worthless. Yet now, she was making me get married to one. Typical. I guess she was a mass of contradictions. She made me sick. Hypocrite. 

So I had a week, to fall in love and decide on a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? How fast did she think a bond like that could be formed?! Clearly much faster than I did. Explains why her marriage to my dad hadn't lasted long. She'd just taken the first man she'd laid eyes on. Another thing I didn't believe in, Love at first sight. Well I guess if I didn't believe in love, then I couldn't believe in the different forms it came in. I don't know, it just didn't seem real. How could you judge someone entirely on looks and state you were in love with them based on sight alone. it just wasn't possible.  

If it was real, what happened to all the ugly nerds?

It just didn't make sense. If anyone claimed to have fallen in love at first sight, they seriously needed some sense knocked into them and I'd be just the person for it. I'd jump at the chance to be honest. An arranged marriage? Great. Marrying someone I didn't know let alone love. Sounded like the perfect foundation for a life time relationship to be formed on.

As my thoughts ran wildly around my head, like hyperactive toddlers, I got up, placing my hands on my mothers shoulders. I was now stood at her level, directly in front of her. 

'Thanks mother...' I started sweetly, making sure to add the sour ending by the time I finished my sentence. I wanted to string her along, make it sound as if I was truly thankful. However, I was far from that. 

She smiled, starting to believe that I was actually grateful for the chat we'd just had. 

And I thought Amber was dim.

She backed away, edging herself out of my door, with my hands on her shoulders, I was pushing her. Desperately wanting my privacy to let out anger.  I thought I'd deserved it after what she'd just suggested.

Once she was out of the door, the smile still painted on her face, I grabbed her smile with both hands, dropped it to the floor and stamped on it until it was flat, using only words. Clever when you think about it. 

'....But no thanks!' 

She gasped. I guess she hadn't expected that one. 

Rematch: Game. Set. Match to Sammie.

Slamming the door in her face, I screamed from behind it.'I AM NOT LIKE AMBER!' 

Show over. All done and dusted.... Thank you. Thank you, I'll be here all week!

Just to spite her, I decided on the spot that I'd stay in my room, with the lock on. They couldn't make me come out. It wasn't as if they could drag me. She had to realise, I just wasn't going to come quietly. There'd be a fight before I gave in. If I gave in. 

I was right. I wasn't Amber. And I never will be.