Not playing Cinderella

Not Playing Cinderella [7]

Not Playing Cinderella [7]

After he pulled away from me, and i removed my hands ,that had wondered around and found his waist, i was too horrified to even move. Not that i hadn't enjoyed snogging the face off my best friend, because lets face it, he was a very good kisser. The way he'd moved his tongue and connected it with mine, had been, stunning. But it felt so wrong of me, i didn't love him. I was leading him on that in time, i could ever have feelings like that for him, and to be honest, i couldn't ever see myself loving him like that. It just seemed, wrong.

When he'd spoke last, telling me we were settling off, the happiness had been clear in his voice, and with that, i couldn't help but let the smile spread across my feautures. I hated knowing i was hurting him, but making him happy, didn't half give me a buzz, seeing him smile, was always pleasurable. He had such a beautiful smile. A smile that could make me melt on the spot.

Urgh. Why did he have to have such a damn beautiful smile?!

Why had he done that? Everything was spinning. Again. He went on about how i was messing with his head? What the hell was this? I'm sorry but you don't go in a mood with your best mate, then kiss them? What the hell was he doing? Dear god.

Slut. Slut. Slut.

Shit.Shit.Shit.

'Jez... I..I' The words became stuck in my throat, making me cough dramatically. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on. The damn bastard was acting like a lovestruck teen. Okay, maybe thats because he was exactly that. But he knew i didn't love him, why make me feel anymore guilty than i already had been.

'Sammie... It was a mistake, its just you. You.. your the only one i've ever wanted. You have to understand that? I can't let go of my feelings. I...I...I love you'.

A sigh slipped my lips, and i watched as his face dropped, and pain launched into his eyes. Great. Increased guilty feeling.

He tore his face away from mine and stared out at the sky ahead of him. The world really was his oyster. I felt like the worlds biggest slut! But it wasn't as if i was falling for someone else, becauset i wasn't falling for anyone. Especially not Jez. And i couldn't help that. I wouldn't be forced into pretending i loved someone i knew damn well i didn't.

 My heart was pounding like a bird, begging to be free from a lifetime of being trapped in a cage, it felt so fragile, as if it could be broken with words alone. I hated Jez, for doing this to me. I wasn't developing any stronger feelings toward him other than severe guilt, and i was shaking with it. Whilst wondering if he'd noticed, i nibbled my lip, sighing, repeatedly.

Stop fussing! He noticed!

'So, what shall i tell your mom?' He spoke, interrupting my thoughts and leaving me undecided over where this conversation was going. I wasn't sure it had a plan to be honest, it was entirely unpredictable.

'Um, i'm not too sure, i hadn't really got too far with this plan, i just went with instinct and ran'. And it was true. My tongue didn't lie, not this time anyway. I hadn't a clue as far as an excuse was concerned, Jez had more of an imagination compared to me, his biggest ambition was to be a writer when he grew up, in other words, when he eventually fell out of love with me. Which would probably be a long time from now.

He lied, the flight wasn't that long. It felt like a lifetimes worth of thoughts and emotions, but really, it'd been half an hours worth of flying through the air, and feeling the wind rushing through my hair, and my pounding ribcage. That same old desert searched between us the whole way there, covered in visions of silence, And it broke my heart every time we each repeated a sigh, just breathing out into the air, making no other sounds, Making no effort to communicate together. I hated not talking to someone that i'm normally close with, its very awkward, makes me realise, what life is like without that person and how much id miss them if they were gone.