Cherry

𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕦𝕖

October 2014
In sixth grade, I was in my middle school's production of The Wizard of Oz. I was one of the twelve munchkins. I was eleven years old and it was my first play. I was very nervous, especially excited, and beyond terrified all at the same time. All my life I'd been a pretty shy child. Still was, but I'd really wanted to do this after seeing one of my best friends in the play the previous year.

I had a few friends in the play so that was a big help but one of the things I remember most from that point in time was the kid who played the wizard. I remember scouring the cast list for his name. Charles Connors—Charlie, better known as. I remember he had such a charming smile for a twelve-year-old.

However, I never saw him again—until the next play.

November 2015
The next play was Rapunzel. The Brothers Grimm version, not the Disney's Tangled version—which I remember threw me off at first. In that play, I was one of the eight wood elves. What are those? Hell if I can remember. I do, however, remember that Charlie Connors was Rapunzel's dad—the king—and I remember slight jealousy when Rhiya Harrison got to play the queen because she got to act like she was married to him. I brushed it off though, considering I'd had a crush on someone else for years. Not to mention, at that age, I hardly understood the feeling or concept of jealousy.

Once again, after the play was over, I never saw him.

November 2016
The eighth-grade play was Aladdin and I was only an assistant director that year. I have no memory of him being in that play but what can I say? I had my head wrapped around a new crush. There was no way my mind was going to spend its time anywhere else besides on that crush.

During auditions, we all sat in an alphabetically ordered circle, waiting for the directors to decide on who was cast and who was not—considering auditions and first practice were all within the first night, as the play was always put on in a week's time. In that circle, I was sat next to a girl named Iris. She mentioned how Charlie wasn't doing the play this year and I remembered who he was but not much else considering I'd only seen him twice in the past two years. She must've known him on a more personal level.

I think once or twice the thought of him crossed my mind after that—simply just wondering why he hadn't been there that year—but that was the extent of it.

October 2017
The play during my freshman year was Cinderella. And as he didn't the previous year, Charlie Connors did not audition once again. But I didn't even notice that or hardly remember him until I was walking through the school's foyer with one of the kids in my section to keep track of (being an assistant director, each of us in the position was in charge of a certain group of kids). We passed through the commons and he, the kid (Bryan was his name), pointed to the walls and windows that were littered with project posters.

"Hey my brother did that one, him and his best friend," he said pointing to a poster made by a Charlie and Evan.

"Oh yea, I know them," I half-lied. I knew of them, I figured that counted.

I didn't have a class with Charlie Connors but I did with Evan Newton. I had Earth Science with him. Evan Newton was the smartest kid in our class.

Thinking about it, I knew I recognized the kid somehow. I'm even more surprised I didn't pick up on the same last names let alone the fact that they looked much the same. Bryan was only three years younger and when Charlie was his age I honestly don't believe I would've been able to tell them apart.

"He's an asshole though," Bryan stated and walked away. Taken aback, I hesitated but followed him anyway. I figured it was just a classic sibling relationship where they considered each other assholes.

***

Thoughts of Charlie Connors plagued my mind throughout most of my freshman year. When I wasn't thinking about the fact that I had a crush on Evan Newton, I thought about Charlie. I thought about his blonde hair that'd grown darker each year since I'd known of his existence. I thought of his soft curls and how they were always falling into his eyes—his grey-blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through you if he looked at you—along with his rosy cheeks that were always flushed due to slight rosacea.

I never actually liked him, I was just obsessed with him. There's a difference.

All the teachers were obsessed with him too. I remember in my Freshman English class Mr. Gibson, who was also the Cross Country and Track and Field coach, would talk about how great a runner and student Charlie Connors was. He was always at the top of Mr. Gibson's class leaderboard. Gibson liked to challenge us each week on some grammar website. I always thought it was stupid but, looking back, I guess it really did teach me a lot.

There was something about Charlie Connors being a runner that seemed to further my unhealthy obsession with him. I truly thought this boy was sculpted by the gods.

There was this one moment, during the Spring semester of my freshman year, when I was walking through the fine arts corridor with my friend Sun and Charlie turned the corner, walking toward us.

Since Sun was also a runner, she knew him and spoke. "Hey, Char Char," I had to hold in my laugh when she called him that.

"Hi, Sun," he replied with that charming smile of his. He looked at me, still smiling, while she talked and I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as I stood just behind her.

They spoke and I just stood there, feeling awkward while listening to my own heart beating faster than normal.

Their conversation ended and I reeled myself back into the present moment.

"See you, Sun," He said to her as he departed. "Renee," he nodded as he passed me. I just watched him walk away. Expressionless. My heart nearly beat right out of my chest. I honestly didn't even think he knew my name.

***

During my Sophomore year, my thoughts were much less consumed by him. I honestly don't think I had him in a class that year either. I probably wouldn't be able to remember either, considering the fact that by the time the second semester came about, I became completely infatuated with Jasper Hollands. Jasper Hollands was the shy kid who, ironically, was friends with everyone. He was smarter than everyone else but denied the fact that he knew anything at all. He was the sweetest kid I'd ever met. In Biology, at the end of that first semester, I had to stand next to him and hold his hand for some type of experiment on reflexes and then winter break hit. All throughout the break, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Come early March of my Sophomore year, I'd realized I'd developed the biggest crush I'd ever had on anyone, ever. And I'd developed it on Jasper Hollands.

Throughout the rest of that school year, my infatuation for Jasper Hollands became long-term and I knew there was no escape. No going back. I very well might've already been in love with him.

That summer, before my Junior year, Jasper Hollands infiltrated my mind and just never ended up leaving.

***

I had a summer job at the local Health Food store that year and I remember during that time was the first time I'd genuinely thought about Charlie Connors in over a year.

It was a few minutes before closing and one of the other employees was showing me how to shut down one of the machines that we turned off at night and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone walk around the corner with a Guayaki Yerba Mate in their hand. I looked quickly as they caught my eye and they looked at me as well. Then, simultaneously, we both did a double take. The face registered in my brain as Charlie Connors, but he looked different. He'd cut his hair, it wasn't as messy and eye-covering as before. He smirked at me and my heart skipped a beat as he rounded the corner and made his way toward the checkout counter.

For the rest of the summer, that moment was the only thing I could think about. I obsessed over it—just as I had obsessed over him in previous years.

Then, that year—Junior year—that's when everything changed.