Streetz 2: The Tried

6. Back At It

I stood at the metal-rusted gates, looking everywhere but ahead of me. My body was tense and I couldn't stop the shaking at my fingertips as I stood in the cold, listening to the wind blow through the trees and bushes. Within 11 months, so much had changed. I couldn't say I was better, but I knew I wasn't the same.

Today was supposed to be a happy moment, but happy moments still had their price to pay. I guess I was just learning that.

"You sure you gon go through with this?" I had asked Ohaji. However, by the time I had asked that question, he had already decided. I was out and he was in. It was a bittersweet moment.

I watched them handcuff him, they wouldn't let me speak to him so the only thing we could do was watch each other. Just that alone was enough to say what we really felt. I knew he would regret his decision, I was counting on that. Either way, he didn't show it, at least not yet.

I was able to get the rest of the money that I had sitting in commissary. I used half of that to put on Ohaji's books and I used the rest of that to get back on my feet. I didn't have a ride, so I had to get an uber to my apartment. The first thing I did when I got home was shower and lay across my bed.

It had been 11 months since I laid in a soft-ass bed. 

Just the thought alone almost made me tear up. It was quiet in the house and neighborhood, and it had been a while since I sat in silence. I didn't know if I liked that feeling or not, but I accepted it. 

I reached into my dresser to check my real phone. I had a lot of missed calls, and text messages, mainly from family and work. I didn't have a job now of course, so I had to stretch the money I had until I could find something. 

I was just thankful for God and everything he had ever done for me. Because if I had spent another day in prison, I probably wouldn't have survived. I prayed for Ohaji's safety, he had my lawyer working on the case, hoping they could find the actual killer. I bought him a burner phone and had it programmed so that he could reach me at any time and I meant that. 

I was on my way to his house to grab a few things when I noticed Ms. Deidra, stepping outside of the house. I pulled up into the driveway and stepped out. I saw she had been crying as she made her way to me.

"Is it true?" She cried, "He really did it?"

I sat my duffle bag down and gave her a hug. Before Ohaji had turned himself in, he called his mother to have her stay in his place while he was away. As much as they didn't get along, he always had a soft spot for her. Sometimes, you couldn't help who you loved, whether they loved you or not. It was either that or selling it and he didn't want to do that. He had too much stuff in his home and he didn't trust anyone else to live there. He wanted me to but I had other plans.

"He didn't." I sighed. It wasn't like she really cared. 

"My poor baby," She continued to cry on my shoulder, "I can't live in his home alone."

"Well, you gonna have to."

"Why me?"

I brushed her hair out of my face with my hands, "I don't know."

She eyed me but I spoke honestly. She had been like a mother to me but I knew a fucked up person when I saw one. She didn't deserve the home but I understood.

"He cares about you, whether you want to believe it or not. I know you may feel like you don't deserve it, and you don't, but it's in yo name na."

"I tried to be a good mama to that boy-"

"Tryin' and bein' are two different things Ms. Deidra, but I ain't come up hea for that. I just came to get some stuff."

Deidra followed me into the house, watching as I had my own key to the place. She had already made herself at home from what I could see. She took down the self-portraits he had on the walls and replaced them with something girly and fake spiritual. She had redecorated too, at least the living room she did. She replaced the pillows on the sofa with orange and white pillows from her home and decorations scattered across the tables and bookcases.