Gifted

Courage

Orla's cottage was the closest place to bring Alina. Orla cleaned and stitched Alina's wound. Iona came down to administer salves and potions. Despite these ministrations, Alina came down with fever the next day. The day after that, she started cramping and bleeding. A delirious Alina was inconsolable at losing the baby.

The fever raged and she got weaker and weaker. Magnus could barely get her to swallow any broth or medicine. He refused to leave her side. He ordered Father Francis out when the priest dared suggest that Alina might need last rites.

Magnus offered up his own litany of prayers. He told her over and over that he loved her and that he would do anything to keep her with him. He promised her that he would stop being so overbearing, that he would try to be better uncle to Yuka. He offered to sail her north to visit her old abbey. He offered to sail her south as far as Spain if that would tempt her back to life.

Finally, he offered her his confession.

"I never expected the bairn tae survive," he said, laying his head on her shoulder. "But I suspected it might save ye. I didn't ken how but I ended up being right. Ye tried tae protect the bairn when Euan drew his sword. Yer vision showed ye living after losing the bairn. I was selfish. All I cared about was that ye survived. I was willing tae let ye suffer this grief because I needed ye tae live. I need ye, Alina. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough tae save the bairn for ye."

Alina pressed her cheek down over the top of his head. He wasn't sure if she was lucid enough to understand what he had said or if she was just responding to the raw emotion in his voice. But that brief motion from her felt like absolution.

She continued to fade. People came in and out to see her: Elizabeth and Yuka, Lady Lillian, Mairi and Jamie, seemingly every one of the villagers, even Lairds Campbell and MacLellan. Bean told Magnus that Euan's squire had no memory of the cave and could only say that he'd lost track Euan somewhere in the forest. Alec later reported that Euan's body washed up south of Glenkerrloch.

There was no official word on how Alina got hurt. It was assumed that Euan Kerr was the culprit and met his demise when she tried to defend herself. Laird Kerr sent his apologies and assured Magnus that there would be no acts of reprisal from his clan. Magnus didn't care about any of it. He stayed at Alina's side and tuned into her mind. Her dreams were dark and disjointed. She grieved even in sleep. He talked to her whenever she was in one of her half-awake states. His voice grew hoarse but he kept talking because he could feel her latch on to him from the void in which she currently floated. He was more than happy to anchor her to this world.

Her fever finally broke for good one warm July evening. Magnus was sponging her face, reciting his now familiar entreaties, when her lashes fluttered and her mahogany eyes focused briefly on him. Relief washed over him even as he watched her well-up with tears.

"It's all right, love," he rasped. "We'll try again. I'll give ye all the bairns ye want."

He kissed her damp forehead and held her gently as she cried.

****

Alina was considered strong enough to be moved back up to the castle after another week. Then she spent the following two weeks recovering in isolation, declining visitors.

Magnus slept in their bed with her at night but respected her desire for solitude during the day. She blocked her mind from him except during sleep. She knew he was worried and hurt at the distance she put between them.

But she did not want him subjected to the recriminations racing through her mind. She didn't blame him for anything. She remembered his confession but she could hardly be upset with him for making her survival his priority. Instead, she was furious at herself. Guilt ate away at her. It was her fault Samira was lost.