LYRICS ! CORPSE HUSBAND

1

LUNA

i sat at my desk writing yet another song when my phone buzzed. i looked down and saw "rae 🤡" and immediately held the phone up to trigger face id.

what are you up to?

writing. as per usual.

you should really give yourself more time
without writing so you don't get burnt
out

should... could... won't

you stress me out. anyway, i
texted because i saw twitter.
a lot of people are suggesting
you and corpse collab. that
would be so sick and i'd
love to put you two in touch

rae, my dearly beloved, that
man would not as much as
listen to a sample i send his
way. he is way too cool for
anything i could make myself

i wouldn't count that out. he's
looking for artists to collab with
and you guys would be perfect.
i mean come on, two incredibly
unique rappers? what's not to love

i don't want to make you play
middle man. maybe one day i'll
reach out, or fuck sake, maybe he
will. but i don't want to force anything
read

i leaned back in my chair and sighed to myself. i'd be lying if i said i wouldn't love to collab with the elusive corpse. i've been consuming his content since 2018 and that would be like a dream come true. when he started making music i thought i'd faint.

i had only started making music myself about two years ago. it had become my coping mechanism as my life was filled with loss and poor mental health. it became my escape, a way to feel like i had a different reality.

by no means do i have a large following such as someone like corpse, though. i only have 10k on instagram and a couple thousand twitter followers. but the "clout" or fame isn't what i'm in it for. i just want to make music that a few people enjoy.

it came as a huge surprise to me when rae first reached out to me and asked if she could use my music on stream. she must have sent it to some friends because i then also received a dm from jacksepticeye. i don't know how or why my music caught the eyes of this group of people, but i'm forever grateful it did. sean and rae have become two of my absolute best friends from this. they constantly support me and have my back with quite literally everything.

i started off 2022 with a goal— to put out my first full length album. i knew i wanted to mesh my styles and create something more. between my lofi soft girl shit, as i've aptly named it, and punchier, heavier, angry music, i want to combine it all to create a full length. i self produce so everything i do is basically in secret besides what i choose to tell rae and sean.

from time to time i send them clips, and they always love what they hear. or at least they say they do. i appreciate the kind words, but it's hard to make myself believe they aren't just fucking about by telling me i'm doing good.

the most recent song i've been working on, heartstopper, derives it's inspiration from none other than corpse's agoraphobic. i wanted a lofi song that details my mental health struggles, but i didn't want it to be very obviously inspired by someone else's work.

heartstopper is meant to tell the ugly side of my life. i put myself out there to seem like all is well, but in reality i struggle greatly with disorders and illnesses that i feel like i am constantly trapped in. that's what i was working on writing when rae texted.

to take her advice and give myself a break, i decided to pull up youtube and catch up on uploads. just as my friends support me, i support them. i clicked onto dean's channel and decided to watch the last few videos that i had recently missed from him.

CORPSE

it's release week for poltergeist and for some reason i'm feeling more anxious about this than i normally would. i always freak myself out when i drop new music, but this just felt different. i feel like there's more eyes on me than ever and i don't really know what to do.

the traction i've gained has caused me to pick up on some pretty big collabs, and i'm more than grateful for that, but it doesn't come without the stress of feeling like i'm going to let everyone down.

the fame isn't what i wanted out of this. in fact, i hate it. it's great to know that you have people that would do anything for you, but it's horrifying knowing you have eyes everywhere that are just waiting for you to fail.

it's still a trend to hate on me for seemingly no reason, and it sucks the fun out of everything. or, what little fun there was. i feel like i hide in the shadows and just come around from time to time, but there's always something for someone to say.

it was worse in the among us days. that said, things have died off a little now that i'm not playing games and i'm just focusing on music. however, that's not to say it's all been resolved.

i locked myself in my computer room and stared at the screen in what would otherwise be completely darkness.

8:47pm pst

thirteen minutes until poltergeist released for the world to hear. i sat at my desk playing with the rings on my fingers while watching the time tick by. this is typical for release day.

at 9 o'clock i sent out a tweet that listed links to all the places you could stream the song. i sat back and awaited the reactions.

that's not my best habit, glancing at all the comments and trying to see what other people see. there's always a few downers that i can never get past, and their words will forever stick with me more than that of the kind words. it's frustrating and it's a vicious cycle, but i can't help but feel like i have to read them.

discord began to make sounds in the background with my friends telling me congratulations and offering up kind words, but i shrugged the notifications off. i glanced down at my phone and saw a text from rae, but i didn't have it in me to open it.

suddenly, i didn't feel great. besides mentally, i physically felt terrible. i dragged myself into the kitchen to grab my medications and a glass of water before hauling myself into bed. though i likely wouldn't sleep, i at least wanted somewhere to be comfortable.

i finally opened rae's text and it was just the sharing of some tweet she thought was funny. he "haha" reacted it and turned his phone over on his nightstand before proceeding to stare at the ceiling.