When I Met Myself

Blemat Reminiscing

I was recently sent this video, that my old friend took before it all changed, before my world shattered as I knew it- but that's a story for another time.

He took this video a few weeks after my tenth duelling session with the Emperor, using a machine to convert his thoughts into speech. Here it is, the video.

Shigran. This is my first try making a video log of this kind, but after seeing Xotik's video, I decided I should make one too. Just in case anything were to happen to me...

The past few years have been difficult, and they have seen me undergo anguish far worse than any I could ever have expected to experience. The initial loss of my friend Melsur, the final loss of Xotik, the addition of this ominous and strange man to our Quad, who brings with him a sense of impending doom and disaster.

Life has been hard, but we have braved through it. The closest class in recent times was the brush with death Melsur had when he tried to rescue the Queen in such a foolish way. The man did not realise that he could have cast an invisible shield in half the time it took him to jump in front of her. However, what's happened cannot be changed, and it is futile to cry over spilt milk.

I, personally, do not see any light on the horizon, believing that there is to be no escape from this darkness that seems to have surrounded all of us. I maintain a cheerful countenance for the sake of Morfus and Melsur, my last two friends in this world, but I am slowly crumbling within- this despair threatens to overtake me and all the people and things I value.

I suppose this is simply a brief period of pain, soon to be overcome and then laughed at in the future, but right now, it is all I can do to prevent myself from snapping and leaving everything behind. 

With each passing day, I observe Melsur growing stronger, trying to match up to the strength of the menacing X-58. Every day, I see Morfus moving around nonchalantly, confident in his abilities and completely unbothered by any of the problems life throws at him, because of the supreme belief he holds that he can overcome any such problem. Everyone seems to have everything under control, except for me.

Maybe I should try to become stronger too? Or maybe I should just forget about everything, and remain content to be a wallflower. Not everyone was born to be a hero like Melsur, and not everyone can have the overwhelming confidence Morfus possesses. The world needs people like me, too, those who provide the contrast to the overachievers of this world, those who are always there when the heroes need them. I guess that's the role I'm going to be forced to play for the rest of my life.

No! That's a fate I'm going to do my best to avoid, I will not accept my destiny if that is what it is supposed to be. I must do something, must become more, must challenge my destiny. Was it not one of the poets of the ancient world who said, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul"?

That was the last time I was going to hear him speak. My dear friend was clearly going through a tremendous amount of mental anguish, and I will never forgive myself for not having noticed it in time to prevent the disaster that was soon to strike....