Carmen

1

I'm asleep, but my eyes are wide open...he's here. Watching. Waiting, but for what? He's always there. Staring. Staring deep into my soul with those crimson eyes. He never says anything he just stays...and stares....

Carmen. Carmen. CARMEN.

I wake up with a jolt. Little beads of sweat cover my forehead. "Honey, it's time to wake up" my mom says, worry laced into her words. Her cold hand brushes over my cheek. "Bad dream again?" I nod slowly muttering a soft yes. "Just try and take your mind off it for a little while...okay hun?" I nod again as she walks out my room. That's one thing that irritates me about my mom. I love her and I know she cares, but she doesn't get it. She never will. She doesn't understand what these nightmares do to me. They make me feel like I'm crazy, but I never show it. I can't.

These nightmares have happened since I was 12 years old. I'm 16 now. It was unexpected. I never saw it coming, it just happened. I don't know what it means, but it scares me. It's never ending...like I'm repeating the same routine every night. He's always there. He always will be.

I lazily roll out of bed and walk to my closet, pulling out a basic crop top and jeans. Marching to the bathroom, I pull my hair into an ugly bun, almost on the top of my forehead, making me look like a unicorn. Oh well. I take a quick shower, wishing the scolding hot water would cleanse all the bad away and bring in some good. Of course, it doesn't. All it does is burn. After taking a much needed shower, I wrap a towel against my body, stepping out of the tub drying off and putting my clothes on.

Oh I almost forgot, I should probably tell you a little about me. My name is Carmen Edwards and as you already know I'm 16. I live in Forks, Washington (A/N I love the idea of a lot of rain in a small town and Forks played the part, so before you start thinking about it, NO there will be no vampires, werewolves or any sign of Volturi people. Thank you darlings.) with my mother, me myself and I.
I don't have a father, I never did. I'm also okay with that, things happen for a reason....or maybe I've forced myself not to care. Anyway I'm a junior at Roslyn High school and as much as I honestly hate to brag, I'm basically worshipped there. Everyone knows me. Knows me. Me. No one knows me...the REAL me.
On the outside I'm all things popular. On the inside I'm all things lonely. No matter how many friends I'm surrounded by, I'm always lonely and I'm always alone. No one actually knows me. No one knows about the nightmares I have. The thoughts I have. The mind frame I have.

The nightmares I have...

I've had those nightmares since I was 12, yet I still have them. Sometimes it's even more than just nightmares. I see him too...randomly at random times. A walk in the park. He's there. A trip to the grocery store. He's there. A ride to school. He's there. I've been tested for any mental problem known to man. The worst one was Schizophrenia, because for a while I really believed I had it.

Social withdrawal
Hostility
Expressionless gaze
Inability to express joy
Inappropriate laughter or crying
Depression
Oversleeping or insomnia....

Yup sounded like me.

The first night I had it, my poor mother was scared out of her wits. She demanded to know why I was thrashing around so violently, and whispering horrible things with my eyes wide open.

My eyes wide open

The one reason I still can't decipher if he's real or not. I'm asleep. I know I am, but everything seems so real. It's like I'm looking through a 3rd persons point of view. I see me and I see him too.
My eyes are wide open. He's standing there by the widow just staring. Not menacingly. Not sympathetically. Blankly. An occasional blink, a rare sniff of the nose and an exclusive glance around my room until those crimson eyes find my blue ones again. And he stares. He stares. Stares.

"Carmen honey! Be ready in 10 minutes okay?" Mom yells. "Okay mom!" I quickly apply concealer under the dark bags of my eyes, a few strokes of mascara, some eyeliner and my favorite red lipstick from Chanel. Running around my room like a chicken that's lost its head, I hurriedly put on my black Vans and grab my bag, exiting my room, while almost face planting into the stairs.

"Morning Mennie, I made you some of my famous scrambled eggs." She says with a smile bigger than Texas. Oh gosh and that "wonderful" nickname she's given me since like birth. "Thanks mum" I mutter nicely sticking a big forkful of eggs in my mouth, as she looks at me like I've got not two, but three heads. "New hairstyle I suppose?" With a quick furrow of my eyebrow, I realize I didn't even attempt to tame the birds nest on the top of my head.
"Oh fu-" I was quickly cut off by my mother "Don't you dare Carmen Elizabeth Edwards!" She says with a threatening look on her ageless face. I smile innocently stuffing the rest of my eggs in my mouth, running upstairs to my bathroom. Then I see him. Staring at me through the mirror. A split .2 seconds of a blink and then he's gone, like he was never there. I stare into the mirror not understanding if my mind was playing tricks on me or if he was honestly there. Slowly brushing it off, I pull the ponytail holder from my hair, that was hanging on for dear life. And ruffle my hair as it falls to natural waves. Looking over my appearance one last time, I make my way downstairs grabbing my school stuff, walking out the door with my mom.
It's usual gloomy, rainy day takes its stance in Forks. The dark clouds slowly moving as if they have all the time in the world to be any place they wanna be. Eight minutes later I find myself in front of Roslyn High, school of the fakes.
"Have a good day Carmen, I'll see you at 4:30. I love you." Mom says pecking me on the cheek. "I love you too. Bye" I say, unbuckling my seatbelt, getting out of the car. She drives off as I walk into the building seeing my friends approach me.
"Time to be fake" I whisper quietly to myself. "Time to be what they want you to be."

A/N I will be updating off and on today...mostly because I don't have much to do but keep a heads up more is coming!!!