This Is Me Trying // Tyrion Lannister // (2)

9. Sexy and Terrifying

'Salt mines?'

'Yeah, that or a galley slave.'

'He looks strong enough.'

'What about the dwarf?'

'Worthless.'

'Cut his throat.'

'Wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait!' Tyrion said looking around the slave traders. 'Let's discuss this.'

'And then chop off his cock. We'll sell it for a fortune.'

'A dwarf's cock has magic powers.'

"Really?" Willow said laughing but Tyrion shot her a glare. "Its just funny. How could a cock have magical power?"

"You have never had my cock in you." Tyrion countered and Willow doubled over with laughter.

"Not going to happen either." Willow told him confidently. Tyrion shrugged, it was worth a shot.

"Cut it off and dump him, the girl though..."

'Wait! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! You can't just hand a dry cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it. He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?' Tyrion reminded them

'It will be a dwarf-sized cock.'

'Guess again.' Tyrion told them and willow looked tyrion up and down, he seemed very confident in that statement.

'The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant.' Tyrion let out a breath of relief but it was short lived.

'The girl we can sell, she will be a good whore, nice hips.'

'What?" Willow demanded faltering back. "No, no, no im done being traded and my hips are... not nice, they are bad." Willow told them trying to find a better comeback but her brain was malfunctioning.

'Queen Daenerys has outlawed slavery.' Jorah reminded them

'We're bound for Volantis, not Slaver's Bay. Besides, she reopened the fighting pits.'

'I've never heard of free men fighting in the pits.' Jorah remarked.

'The fighting pits in Meereen?' Tyrion asked thinking of a plan 'You're in luck, then. You're about to be rich. You are looking at one of the great warriors in the Seven Kingdoms.' The men laughed down at Tyrion. 'Him.' Tyrion clarified.

'Him?'

'He's got to be 60 years old.'

"He's a tough cunt." Willow told them.

'Sure, he's a bit long in the tooth, a bit withered, been in the sun too long. We can all see that. But he is a veteran of 100 battles. They wrote songs about him.' Tyrion went on.

'That true?'

'He won the tournament at Lannisport. Unseating Ser Jaime Lannister himself.' Tyrion confirmed and Willow nodded.

"Yes, Jaime Lannister. He is a real man to rifle with and this old cunt took him down." Willow agreed.

'The Kingslayer.'

'Jousting.' Tyrion confirmed

'You're talking about jousting.'

'A fancy game for fancy lads.'

'The men who fight in the pits of Meereen will swallow him whole.'

'I killed a Dothraki blood rider in single combat.' Jorah told them

'Liar.'

'It's no lie. His name was Qotho. He was blood rider to Khal Drogo. Take me to Slaver's Bay, put a sword in my hand, I'll prove my worth.' Jorah assured.

+

'He was first through the breach during the Siege of Spike, slaughtering 50 men with his flaming sword. He killed the great Khal Drogo in single combat. Betrayed by his woman, he sold himself into slavery to repay his debts. Bidding begins at 12 gold honors. –' there was a murmured among the crowd assessing if they wanted to purchase Jorah.

'13. Do I have 14? 15? 15 gold honors.' He went on as people placed their bid. 'Do I hear 16? 16? 20. Sold.'

'Wait! You have to buy us as well.' Tyrion said pulling Willow forward.

"I don't want to be bought." Willow whispered and Tyrion hushed her.

'Why?'

'We're a team. I'm a great fighter, too.' Tyrion said 'and this one is a good luck charm, never lose with her.' There was a murmur of laughter as they didn't believe Tyrion capable of fighting.

'He's funny.

'You have to give him that.'

'You're right, he's funny.'

'Thank you, my lord.'

'Thank you.' They chuckled and snorted as they prepared their bids for the next one.

'Yes. My lord, if I may. I've heard Meereen has become a free city. You might run into trouble if you try to fight slaves in the fighting pits. Now, if you were to fight freed men who'd be paid a wage—' Tyrion offered.

'There's your wages, funny man. Should last the rest of your life.'

'These are warrior hands, not a serving girl's. 5, going once...' Malko declared looking to Tyrion.

'I want the girl.'

'Package deal.' Tyrion declared.

''What do we do with the girl?''

''A good whore perhaps.''

''Willow.'' Jorah whispered leaning into her. ''Fight.'' She locked eyes with him confused. ''Fight.'' He repeated and she nodded just slightly. Time to put on a show.

''I'm done being a prisoner.'' Willow said weakly as she gathered her strength. Tyrion stared up at her. ''I refuse. I fucking refuse.'' She threw an elbow back the man holding her wasn't expecting it she pulled his sword free and sliced at his face he backed up hands up high as he moved

''I want the girl!'' The voices echoed and willow glanced back at jorah. He gave her a single nod.

''The girl comes with us.'' Jorah told them

''Great fighter. No one expects her.'' Tyrion added. ''I mean look at that pretty face you all were clueless to killer underneath.''

''Fine all three.''

''That was extremely sexy and terrifying at the same time.'' tyrion remarked and willow chuckled weakly. ''But that is very much you.''

''What do you mean?''

''Sexy and terrifying.'' tyrion told her. ''You standing up to joffrey and cersei oh that was sexy. I thought you might lose your head which was terrifying but you are fearless.''

''Just stupid.'' she corrected.

''Smart." Tyrion corrected her. ''So smart. You are quick on your feet an excellent actress –''

''Tyrion you dont have to flatter me I already sailed across the world with you.'' Willow reminded him.