Jack -Short Stories

"I'm so lost..."

The music could only help so much this time. Its soft notes and sharp strings weren't loud enough to drown out Jack's black thoughts and now, he didn't know what to do with himself. He sat in the black leather arm chair that faced out the large window of his apartment, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

His bulky headphones were pressed tightly over his ears, his eyes were looking out the glass, unfocused as he sat immobile. The lights were off and the sun was almost about to duck down behind the buildings and soon, Jack's small apartment would be cast in blackness; perfect for his dark mood.

Jack sighed heavily and bent his head to rest it in his hands. Nothing was working. His usual relaxation method, his music, was not doing what it used to. He lost track of the number of days since the last time he had seen or spoken to his love. Alistair was away, somewhere, on a business trip perhaps as Jack had not received any news on where he had gone or when he would return, or if he would at all. This wasn't the first time Alistair had gone away, but this time? This time felt different to Jack. Maybe it was because they were engaged to be married and there were so many questions weighing heavily on Jack's mind. Things he wanted to ask and hoped to get the chance to.

The beginning of the next song came on, strumming guitars and a somewhat up tempo beat and then there were the lyrics, 'there's a full moon on the rise...' Jack was caught off guard by the song choice his music player had randomly selected to play. '... and a sadness growing heavy in my soul, you can see it in my eyes...' He picked up his head and glared over his shoulder at his stereo, angry that it had chosen this particular song, '...there's a kindness in your smile...' Jack's face turned into a scowl as his long fingers tangled in the cord of the headphones and with one swift movement, he yanked the plug from the stereo, instantly the music was cut off and he pulled the headphones from his head and tossed them on the floor where they landed with a 'thunk' against the window.

The man sighed and ran his hands through his hair and stood quickly from the chair. There was a pain in his chest that he couldn't rid himself of and he paced the floor of the apartment, his bare feet sinking into the soft carpet as he moved. He was restless and he had to get some fresh air before he drove himself crazy, well, crazier. Before he knew it, he was out the door and well on his way down the city sidewalk. It was a warm summer evening, one that Jack, under different circumstances, would have enjoyed, but not this night.

Everything reminded him of his elusive lover. Everywhere he looked, there was someone who looked eerily similar to Alistair; it was their wavy, soft hair or those piercing blue eyes of his. Jack loved Alistair's eyes. There was always so much wisdom and love behind them whenever he looked at Jack. Each face held the same gentle smile that he knew so well. He shook his head to himself, coming to the realization that he was not seeing the one he loved. Shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans, he moved a bit faster through the crowd of people. This was the reason Jack had denied himself love for so long. It was the reason why he had closed himself off so tightly. He felt so empty and alone and he hurt. It hurt to move and it hurt to get out of bed in the morning and that was when he could sleep. Most nights he would sit up in his living room from sun down to sun up just thinking. This time, he was so very close to shutting his heart off for good. He didn't like feeling this pain and he didn't want to constantly worry about another.

He went over the last moments he had spent with Alistair and he laughed when he couldn't even think of when that was. The sound of his voice was so clear in his head but yet so faded. This often happened whenever he was left by himself; the things that were said to him, the affection he received were so vivid and then, slowly, they would diminish until Jack had no recollection of what they felt like.

Without realizing it, Jack had found himself standing in front of Alistair's office building. His eyes went up, and up as he took in the massive tower of steel and glass windows. The very top of the building was still bathed in the last of the fading light. A lump formed in Jack's throat and he pulled out the small silver phone that was in his pocket and his finger dialed a familiar number. He pressed the phone to his ear, listening as it rang...and rang until a woman's voice answered. Jack paused for a moment before he answered, "Alis-," his voice caught in his throat and he coughed to clear it, "Alistair Crane, please?" There was hesitation on the other end, even over the phone Jack could feel it. It wasn't the first time he had called Alistair's office in search of him and this woman knew it. "I'm sorry but he is not here," she replied softly. Jack's brow furrowed. He didn't know what to expect. He wanted something, some sort of information on what was happening to his life and yet again, he was left without answers. "Would you like to leave a message?" the woman cut into his thoughts. "No," was all he replied and he snapped the phone shut and held it in his hand, staring at it for a moment. In that moment he contemplated smashing the device on the cement at his feet just to see it break into a hundred pieces, just to cause some sort of destruction. His hand closed tightly around it, squeezing it hard before shoving it back it his pocket. With one quick glance up at the office building, Jack moved on.

He didn't know where he was going but if he didn't keep moving, he felt as though he would explode. Nothing interested Jack at the moment, he was too lost with the things caught in his head. His feet carried him to a deserted park. It was someplace new to him. His eyes darted to an old worn out picnic table that sat by its self in the middle of the landscape; the paint was faded and there were carvings and names etched in its surface. There was a slide and a swing set; one of the chains had broken and the swing was now dangling inches from the dirt, swaying in the wind. The sound of rushing water caught his attention and he glanced around quickly and laid eyes on a large bridge that suspended over a fast moving river. Although the steel bridge was on the older side, it was very sturdy and painted in a solid blue. The thick cables stretched from the very top of the structure to the ends and the middle of the bridge, lending its support to the weight of it. Jack stood in the very center, his elbows on the railing, watching as the water rushed past just below his feet. He laced his fingers together and the silver band on his left ring finger gleamed in the last of the light and Jack twisted the band around a bit, a sad smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. His vision burred just a bit and he blinked to allow a single tear to streak down his cheek. "Alistair..." he whispered his voice just barely audible over the water, "I'm so lost..."