Infected

Chapter 17

"You are my sunshine... my only sunshine..."

A song, soft and sweet floats over me. Gentle fingers comb through my curls. I know the voice and the familiar tune that it'd sing me to sleep with.

It's my mom.

"You make me happy...when skies are gray..."

I'm in my room. Not in Hanover but in Texas. I can smell the lavender candle she always burned to ease my mind and feel the blanket under my hand that she crocheted for my tenth birthday. I remember it being green with sunflowers stitched into the yarn but it had lost its color after too many washes. A breeze flows through my open window to cool the summer heat, smelling of cut grass and sprinklers.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you..."

I can feel myself forgetting everything with each stroke of her fingers. Rucker is miles away with the pain of his abuse tagging along.

"I love my Ellie darling." My mother affirms, humming the rest of the melody, "She's so beautiful, like the first flower of spring. She's smart enough to change the world, to change time itself. I'm so proud of my Ellie darling."

My brows furrow at her odd statements. She's never called me Ellie before.

There goes the hope of having a dream without the bastard interfering.

"You shouldn't be proud of me." I retort, "I'm nothing like you or dad. I'm weak."

She takes a few strands and braids them delicately together, "But you don't deny the other things."

Strike two. She hated hearing me bring myself down.

I turn my face into the pillow, inhaling the detergent. It hasn't changed at all. Rucker's worked hard to trick me for this long though I now see through the charade. "You're not real."

The braiding stops, "Of course, I'm real, love."

"No. We don't live in Texas anymore, Mama. You haven't formed a proper sentence for fourteen years. And you certainly wouldn't be touching me like this. You'd be clawing my eyes out if you could."

She sounds hurt by my accusation, "I would never hurt my sunshine."

"But you did," My eyes open lazily. The mirage stays, I'm still in the room that I grew up in. The walls are a pale yellow to complement the white furniture. My favorite stuffed animals are lined on a shelf above my dresser, where little trinkets and photos of me and Liv rest. "You did hurt me, Mama."

"Stop it, Ellie." She scolds, "We don't joke about such things, it's disrespectful."

I finally look at my mother. Her hair, gray-free, is pulled back with little curls framing her heart-shaped face. Her hazel eyes are tired, but she won't ever mention it to me. I've seen her in this outfit before, a maroon set of scrubs with a matching cardigan. She's just gotten off of a graveyard shift as a triage nurse.

In the morning light, a necklace glitters around her neck. It's a small ruby, no bigger than a pea that dangles from a thin silver chain. I've always loved that necklace. She's had it since she was a baby and is never seen without it.

Her insistent touch brings me back to the matter at hand, the day Rucker has chosen to make me relive. I glance at the aluminum balloons floating with a bouquet of white roses by my dresser. I can't believe I have to go through this again.

My mother smiles, "Good morning sleepy head. Are you hungry?"

I follow the script, replying, "No, not yet."