In Bad Faith

Chapter 57

This trip had been way too short, as I'd imagined before we left. And I really started to realize this sitting on the airplane, on our way home. The flight to New York was as good as the one to the Bahamas, with the best food and amazing drinks. I could get used to this luxurious lifestyle.

It was like I had to force myself to wake up from this dream. This trip really had been all I could wish for, and it truly felt like I'd been living the most perfect life imaginable for the past two days. Misha and I had connected to a deeper emotional level than ever before, and we'd enjoyed our physical attraction every opportunity we'd gotten. This man was special, and we connected a little too well. It was a totally different connection than what I'd felt with Tinder flings or short-term relationships.

But feeling the wheels of the small airplane hit the ground again, was some sort of reality check. We were back to our everyday life. Misha would be going back to his fiancé and I would return home on my own. I wasn't excited at all. From now on, I would be Misha's secret love affair again. I wouldn't be his only one anymore. And I knew it shouldn't, but it was starting to hurt my ego and confidence.

And I couldn't just blame Misha for these nervous feelings that were welling up in my stomach again as I saw the crew unbuckling their seat belt, and getting ready for us to leave. It was my own fault too since I let this get too far. But I wasn't sorry. I enjoyed every second of every day I'd spent with him on that island. I was really, madly in love with Misha Zaveri.

"I can't bring you home," Misha softly spoke, and I only now realized we were still holding hands. I averted my gaze from the window to him again, giving him a small smile. "I know," I said, gently squeezing his hand. This had already been very dangerous for him and his relationship, I knew that. And I would love for him to bring me home and drink a cup of coffee together in my apartment, but it simply wasn't safe. And not only for him. If Floyd knew I'd been in there with Misha, every alarm bell within our team would go off. 

"I promise to I'll make sure we'll get more time together," he then spoke, making butterflies flutter around in my stomach. I knew it was the bare minimum, and still, I loved this promise more than anything. "You better, after these days I can't go back to the way it was anymore," I grinned. I was joking, but there was definitely a hint of truth in my words. How could I not miss him now that we've been through all of this together? We talked and made love until deep into the night, we had dinner together, and we laughed together. I was going to miss all of this.

"Me neither," Misha told me, sounding a lot more serious than I just did. This must've been hard for him too. I didn't want to make excuses for a cheater, but I also knew that Misha wasn't just doing this for the hell of it. We were in love, but he also didn't want to hurt his fiancé. And I knew he should break it off with her, no matter if we were going to end up together or not. Because what he was doing to her was bad. No woman deserved anything like that, and I did feel sorry for her. Yet that didn't stop me from going to the Bahamas with her boyfriend. Maybe I was a bad person for being so selfish. I even disliked Maddison for the sole reason of her being his girlfriend. I usually hated women who took other women down, and now I was doing exactly that.

"Mr. Zaveri, miss Fisher, welcome to New York," a flight attendant happily beamed as she walked up to us. I smiled and unbuckled the seatbelt I was in. "Thank you," I told the lady who took some luggage from the overhead bins. I got up from my chair, automatically letting go of Misha's hand. We were back in the Big Apple, and I'd never dreaded coming back home as much as I did now. Maybe because it wasn't really home. I missed Seattle, and I missed my parents now more than anything. And I don't know why I suddenly felt so lonely, knowing that Misha and I were going to go our separate ways again. This weird feeling of wanting someone to take care of me started crippling my body. I hated it.

Walking hand in hand, we got out of the airplane. And I tried to enjoy this last moment of us holding each other, as we couldn't do this anymore the second we would be outside the airport again. And I knew we would be together again tomorrow, but it was different not having him to myself. Tonight, he would be sleeping next to his fiancé again. Maybe they were even going to make love together. God, I hated that thought. But it was something I chose for, and a feeling I could only push away by getting him in jail as soon as possible. That was what I was supposed to do. I should finish this mission and get him out of my head. Misha Zaveri was a criminal, engaged to another woman.

We walked down the stairs, the loud noise of the aircraft's engine making it impossible to speak to each other. The New York wind made my hair fly up in the air. I already missed the weather in the Bahamas. At the end of the stairs, I saw two black cars parked, the drivers getting out to open the back doors for us.

And then it hit me. We weren't even going to drive home in the same taxi. I deserved it, being part of the FBI and completely lying to him. But it felt very distant. Couldn't he have just dropped me off before the taxi drove on to his apartment? He really didn't want to risk being seen in this city with me. "I'm sorry Nadya," he said close to my ear, placing a small kiss on my cheek before letting go of the hand he was holding. And somehow, I was dumbfounded. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to thank him for this trip, and I wanted to scream at him for letting me be his second choice. I wanted to do all that, but not a single word came out of my mouth. He was sorry. He was sorry for letting me feel like this, again.

Before we left, Misha pulled me towards him by my wrist. He gave me a kiss. He gave me a real kiss that gave me all types of warm feelings in my stomach. But it was a short kiss. "See you tomorrow," he then softly smiled at me, before he walked to one of the cars, greeting the driver. He got in, not looking back at me a single time. What the hell.