Brother In Arms (Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood)

Chapter 4

Calum's POV

I sat in my room, my shadow being my only partner. It reminded me of her and how at one point, my shadow was accompanied by hers. Now even it was as lonely as I. I held my phone in one hand and my jacket in the other. It was her favorite one. She'd wear it to school, she'd sleep in it. I unlocked my phone and a finger hovered above Luke's name. I paced around nervously and stopped before my window. The spot where we would usually sit and talk was crystal clear. Our spot. I remember every day as if it were yesterday. A blessing and a curse. I remembered the day she told me. I felt like things would never be the same again. Ever. She wore a red flannel and her ripped skinny jeans. With her beanie, black timberlands and a lot of bracelets. Her signature look. She sat on a rock near a river and I sat on the damp grass.

"So what's up?" I'd usually ask her, knowing that her answer would be "Okay." But that day it wasn't. She replied "I went to the doctors." That was odd. Not because she didn't make eye contact, but because she never talked about her visits. I'd always known when she'd gone and when she hadn't and didn't feel the need to talk about it with her and remind her that she has cancer. Her words and her tone gave me a haunting, uneasy feeling. I didn't want to ask her to elaborate, but I couldn't help it.

"And ?" I asked her. Part of me hoped that it was good news. But we both knew it wasn't.

"I'm not gonna win this fight."

My heart skipped a beat and her words were like knives piercing through my skin. She waited for a reply but I did not have one.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not looking at her.

"I think you and I both know what I mean, Cal. It means I don't have much time." I blinked the tears away, trying to be strong.

"But surely, there's still a chance. I mean you can't possibly lose this fight. I mean you've been getting chemo, you've been taking your meds. There's no reason why you-"

"Cal. I haven't accepted it either. I thought I was going to live a lot longer than fifteen or sixteen, but.. I guess I'm not. We knew this day was going to come. We just didn't think it would come so soon. I really, genuinely believed that I was going spend my life with you, wake up by your side every morning in the bed we're supposed to share in our house with the white pickett fence. I really wanted to grow old with you. But I of all people should know that happy endings aren't cut out for everyone."

"Are you going to tell your brother about us?" She was quiet for a minute but then shook her head slightly.

"I know how much that would hurt him. And that's the last thing I want to do. He gave me his trust and I took it for granted. God, I'm such a terrible person." She buried her face between her knees and cried.

"Hey," I said, making my way next to her, "you're not a terrible person, okay ? You're anything but terrible." I told her as I wiped her tears and cupped her face. "I know you feel guilty baby, I do too. But you don't have to tell him if you don't want to. I'll do it. Just please don't cry baby. If this might be the last time I ever see your face, I want to see you smile."

"Promise me something, Calum."

"Anything."

"If you do tell him, please do it after I'm gone. I don't wanna see the damage I will have caused between you two."

I stared at her, not knowing how to reply. I kissed her head and held her, making the most of every second we had together.

I snapped back to reality and put my phone up to my ear.

"Hey it's Luke. Leave a message."

"Hey man, I'm sorry about leaving like that. I sorta- it's- just call me back."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

What I wouldn't give to have her back.

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yay or nay ?