Jasperx reader New moon

Moving on

Bells has finally left her chair.  I felt like burning it, but moving it to a corner seemed to do just fine as well.

She has gone out with some friends, while I job search once again, having not shown up to the library one too many times. 

It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, especially since I have been so exhausted.  Bells keeps having these nightmares.  Waking up screaming.  Therefore waking me up.  

She says it's because she isn't used to sleeping alone anymore. I've taken to sleeping next to her when she wakes up from these nightmares, and it actually helps her to go back to sleep sometimes. 

I've been having dreams.  Of these dark figures.  Them coming almost close enough for me to see their faces, but stopping just before they step into the light.  Then they disappear.  

I know what it symbolizes, but I just keep pushing it down, since Bells needs more help then I do right now.

But she is out with friends.  It seems like a step in the right direction. 

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Bella was out more and more these days.  With Jacob.  

At first I thought this was a good thing.  But then I heard what they were doing. Fixing up these bikes.  Going for rides in them.  

She fell and hit her head, and the only reason I knew was because she came home still bleeding.  I couldn't understand her.  She said that she could see Edward.  That when she had that adrenaline rush, she could see him telling her to stop.

"Don't you think that maybe it's for a reason that his response is negative?"

She wouldn't listen to me.  They had been gone for a couple months now.  I had found a new job, as a waitress at the local diner, and I was very grateful for it.  I almost gave up job hunting when they had told me they had an opening. 

I was finally moving on.  But Bells was almost going backwards. 

We started having more fights.  More outbursts each day.  I would tell her to stop being dangerous and to be more careful.  She would say that I didn't care and to go to hell. 

Then one day, it all snapped. 
I was moving out.  I had finally saved up enough to get a studio apartment right next to the diner. It was going to be my own place, and I was going to take things day by day. 

Bells had not taken this kindly.  She thought that I was leaving her, and that it didn't matter what was happening, I was being un-supportive. 

"You're almost killing yourself every day Bella. I can't keep watching that.  Your grades are slipping, and you don't go out with friends anymore unless it's Jacob, who you are totally leading on."

"God, just listen to me.  This is something that I need right now to get over things. It's helping me!"

I shake my head.

"No. No, it's not Bella.  You're being delusional. They are never coming back.  They left, why would you want them to come back?"

"So, your saying you don't miss him? That you don't dream about him every night, and that you just want him to come back?"

"I don't want him back.  He broke my heart.  He didn't even say goodbye.  He should stay away and commit to what he decided when he left me."

I didn't see how true that was until I said it out loud.  I didn't want him back.  He should stay away.

But some part of me, deep down that would never see the light of day again, needs him back.   And wills him to return.  

But he won't. So I move out.  And move on.  Taking life day by day.  Without Jasper Hale.