The Second Heartbreak

Chapter three.

VANESSA

Alex and I just finished closing the store, working with him isn't too bad which I hate to admit. Lydia and everyone else left about fifteen minutes ago since I had to show Alex how to close up properly. We are both stood at our lockers in silence, well he's on his phone of course and its actually bugging me that I don't know what is so important that it's getting so much of his attention, I keep trying to ignore that nagging feeling I have in the back of my head that makes me feel this way. "Right I'm off now I'll see you tomorrow I suppose" I say while shutting my locker gaining his attention away from his phone. He slots his phone away into his bag and says "can I walk with you, It's getting dark out and I know you hate walking alone when it's dark plus it would be nice to have some company." I froze in place lost for words, why does he remember this shit about me and why can I feel my face burning, "is that a yes or?" Alex says with a puzzled look on his face, I'm staring again aren't I, I'm gonna tell him I'm getting a lift, I can't do this right now todays been enough of a mind fuck as it is I don't need to be put in a situation where I'm forced to talk to him even more than I already have, especially after lunch. "Oh yeah okay come on then" I somehow muster out. What the fuck happened to saying I'm getting a lift, it's like my heart just possessed my mouth and went totally against what I actually planned to say. 

We are walking side by side in silence but it's weirdly comfortable. Thoughts of his phone are still nagging me and I give into the burning feeling and break the silence "what's been on your phone thats so important today?" "Nothing" Alex replies shortly as we cross the road, I just look at him and then look down at the ground. He literally was the one that asked to walk home with me but he's making me feel like I cant ask a simple question, I'm starting to remember why I literally acted like he was dead. Well he was to me anyways and the worst part about it is I grieved him like he was because that's what it felt like, that's what was easier for me to believe than to imagine him being alive, okay and even happy without me, it always confused me in a way because when things ended between us I felt like he took part of me with him when he walked out that door, I felt like he took all the air from the room that we were in together and left me to suffocate all by myself. He took my heart, ripped it out of my chest, tore it into a million pieces, put it back and expected it to beat the same. He really was dead in my head and after a while, after the grief I didn't even care, partly because I was distracting myself and I hadn't seen him up until today and also I grew to hate him but every so often I would look back and feel so much sadness because I thought he was my soul mate, he was like my other half and just like that, in one day we became strangers. My body and soul longed for him and his presence for so long, it was like an addiction and I was having the worst withdrawals.  

"Just family stuff" Alex says snapping me out of my thoughts, he probably felt bad for being short with me and noticed me just staring down at the ground. "Wanna talk about it?" I ask, at this point I will always be nice to him because I can't help myself, thats why I told him to stay out of my way this morning because I just know that I'm a soft bitch deep down. "No not really, thanks for offering though" Alex replies "How have you been anyways, I haven't seen or heard of you for ages, I always wondered what you were doing with yourself" he adds. When he said he wondered what I was doing with myself I swear I went dizzy. He had been thinking of me? That's so crazy to me. I wonder if he felt anything at all when he thought of me. I did. I felt so much it was overwhelming. "Well now you know, I've been working at the shop since we left school but other than that my life's been pretty same old, I don't do much and I haven't kept in contact with anyone from school" I tell him as we stop at the end of my road, it's just off the main road, its a dead end, my house is just on the corner of another small side road and we stand just on the corner before you cross it. "Why haven't you kept in contact with anyone?" He questions me, Uh because I wanted to cut all possible contact to you off and I couldn't bare to be around people that might bring you up, talk about you or remind me of you. "Just wanted a fresh start, drifted apart from most people anyways so I stopped putting in effort and yeah things with everyone just died out" I say ignoring my thoughts. "Ah well you haven't missed much, I'm only in contact with a few people now, everyones on their own paths now doing god knows what" Alex explains. We were a small year group and the majority of us were all friends in some way, some closer than others of course, anyways we all thought we would be friends forever but I think Alex and I's breakup was probably the start of everyone drifting apart. There were times I felt like we were the glue keeping everyone together, part of me felt like that was our responsibility and I'm starting to see the strain that probably put on our relationship and why it might've felt forced for us to stay together just to keep everyone happy. "Well I hope everyones doing good anyways" I say, "it's quite chilly out here so I think I'm going to go in now but it was nice walking with you, I'll see you tomorrow yeah" I add and smile at him as I turn to walk towards my house, he has a weird look on his face, almost as if he's fighting something in his head until he says "Vanessa I miss you."