numero uno

the birth of Richard + early years

many years ago, back in 1948, only a few days before christmas, a boy named richard alan nielsen was born. he was born with music in his fucking veins guys i mean his parents were OPERA SINGERS!!! oh and his dad ran a music store.

from the beginning, rick's parents could magically sense their son was going to become big and famous one day and they knew that he was destined to do incredible things. however, rick also proved that he was insane from a very young age. one day when rick was only 2 years old, his parents walked in on him trying to eat the floor. he would also go in his dad's music store and break apart the instruments. sometimes people would enter the music store only to walk in on little toddler richard smashing instruments while screaming with joy.

regarding rick's insanity, his parents kinda got an idea their son was going to be a bit wacked in the head when he was born. after crying and screaming for like 30 minutes, he finally said his first words.

"SOUNDS LIKE READING!!! ENG-LAND!!!"

rick's parents glanced at each other in confusion. how did this newborn baby know what reading, england was? must've been a sign.

anyways, as rick grew up and went to school, he proved to be a child from hell. not only would he destroy instruments in his dad's music store, but he had a strange obsession with attempting to climb things. as well, he would let out high-pitched screeches for no reason at all. yet his parents still claimed their son was alright. he was just built different.

when rick was at school, he noticed how everyone seemed to dress more normal, and that pissed rick the Fuck off. there wasn't a single boy wearing a bowtie and a polo shirt with some suspenders, or weird sweaters. at rick's first day of preschool, he pulled up in a white polo shirt and a black bowtie and everyone thought he was weird.

"what is that thing!!!" one boy asked.

rick just laughed.

"imagine NOT wearing a polo shirt and a bowtie!" he responded. "y'all are WACK as FUCK!"

"oh my god he said a bad word." one girl whispered.

during his middle school years, rick only continued to weird everyone out (except for his parents). when he was 11 years old in 5th grade, he discovered the joys of sniffing glue and huffing paint. practically every kid at school would avoid him. as rick grew older, he would start skipping class and lied that he was struggling with mental health issues if his teachers would bump into him outside of school. considering rick was weird enough as is, his teachers never questioned it. in fact they genuinely believed he had problems. in 7th grade rick decided to join his school's band program, but was kicked out after roasting his teacher and causing him to cry in front of the whole class. rick just laughed the whole time. this instance was the only one where his classmates actually thought he was cool.

rick made absolutely zero friends at school except for this boy by the name of brad carlson (who would soon become bun e carlos). the two met after rick harassed his sister and caused her to run home crying and bleeding profusely from the head because rick kept throwing rocks at the poor girl. she had to be rushed to the hospital and got like 12 stitches by the way. keep in mind rick was like 10 years old at the time. this happened when he was in 4th grade.

after the situation with bun e's sister, rick met him and bun e was honestly happy about what rick did because he thought his sister was annoying as hell. he was also impressed with how rick was so willing to actually throw rocks at people and not give a shit. the kid gave zero fucks and became an idol for the younger bun e.

in high school rick also made like no friends...that is...until he met the gorgeous dark-haired tom petersson (last name really "peterson" but he added an extra "s" to make it seem like he was swedish), and that was where it all began.