Sequence h.s. AU

5

Page 5

Lost and insecure.

Do you ever feel like the world is caving in on you?
After brad dropped me off that night I didn't go in. I went back and layed on the trampoline.

I felt lost. Like Noone in the world would get what I was going through.
Then I thought of those green eyes.
The pain filled words his mouth spoke to me. Maybe he would get me.

I imagined of him alot, this boy. He was strange. Kind of like an outgoing type.. but only if you knew him. But I feel like I figured him out.
He was sad. He was pained. His eyes were dull when I seen him. Like he had been shut down for a day. Or like something is attacking him from the inside out.
I vaguely remember what brad was wearing yesterday because I was thinking of this boy.

I feel unfaithful towards brad.
But I feel conscious.
Like I'm actually awake.
I feel less like a zombie anymore.
More confidence.
But less at the same time.
Maybe the boy was right.
I'm insecure in my relationship.
Because brad never has made me feel wanted. But he's never made me feel unwanted..
He's never made me feel loved.
He's never made me feel like I was the only girl in the entire world.
He treats me like a friend.
Like I'm simple.
Like I'm easy to figure out.
The truth is I never tell brad anything..
I never admit things to him.
Because i feel like he will just drop me.
Like his worst subject in high school.
Or maybe he will just put me down even more.
Maybe I'm insecure..
Not just about me but about brad too.
Brad doesn't make me feel like I'm his girlfriend.
He makes me feel like a loser.
And most of the time, a child.