Pretending To Be You

49

a week had gone by since jungkook left to go back to paris and taehyung has been miserable since, they both left on bad terms. neither of them talking to each other, not even a text message. taehyung knew it was his fault, he did not need people telling him so. 

when he overthinks something it ends up turning into something that it did not have to be. he had no idea why he even felt upset, he should of just talked to jungkook about how he was feeling. did he even deserve to feel upset? they werent dating?. 

"it was the first time I did not feel alone" taehyung whispered, throwing the trey in the sink. both hands placed on the sink as he tries to breath. 

'I dont know what is wrong with me' the brunette groaned, letting out a small yawn afterwards as he walks back to the front of the cafe to see jimin at the counter taking peoples orders. he delivered food to peoples tables and went back to cleaning empty tables with plates still on top of it. 

taehyung felt like he had to keep himself occupied for the next two weeks, he knows he should text jungkook and apologise but he just was not sure if that would be the right way to go about it. 

on taehyung's breaks he would spend his time scrolling through jungkook's instagram account, looking at all his pictures and stuff he was doing. he got to see snippets of the males concert and photo's of jungkook gifting toys, food and blankets to an orphanage. it made taehyung feel warm to see how generous the raven is. 

jungkook on the other hand was feeling the same way. he missed taehyung so much, more than what he thought he would. he does not follow taehyung on instagram, he did not know the male even had one until he saw yoongi was following jimin who had posted something on his story of taehyung and tagged him. 

he could not help but to scroll through the pictures and videos of taehyung. he was glad he had yoongi there with him, more company but the way he feels around taehyung is so different.  he sometimes feels like he is the person he was before he became famous. 

the amount of times he would be laying in bed alone at night and went to send 'I miss you' to taehyung but soon delete it afterwards was a lot. he planned that if he had not heard from the brunette that he would go see him when he gets back to seoul. 

the only issue with being where they are now is the amount of overthinking that was happening. jungkook thought if them both ignoring each other now is happening even before they are dating, is it going to be the same if they do or even worse. 

where did they go wrong? why did they miscommunication. 

'does taehyung have trouble explaining his feelings?' jungkook thought. 

well, he was not far off. 

as the night was getting later and taehyung let out many yawns, he quickly grabbed his diary and began to write. 

diary entry ;

I sometimes feel like an idiot for writing in a diary but at times I fell like it is the easiest way to say my feelings without the fear of  judgement. ever since jackson came into my life, I felt like all the things I stood for in a relationship fell through the ground. over the time I have spent with jungkook it has made me realise that I could be in love with the most amazing guy and still not be able to fully open my heart and trust someone. I grieve that side of me who I use to be, I miss that side of me that did not over think everything. 

I miss the old me. jackson took that away from me, I still live in the fear of everything he put me through. jungkook does not deserve that. he should be able to be with someone who fully trusts him and loves him, I worry that I may not be able to provide the trust in a relationship with him. which is what jungkook deserves. 

I really like jungkook, there is no doubt in that. I just feel like he deserves better than me. this is not me being dramatic, this is me having the fear of pushing my insecurities onto someone who does not deserve it. 

T.