Wherever You Will Go

Part 1 - When I'm Gone

This story is set soon after AbhiGya got married, when Sarla had a heart attack and before the marriage hall demolition track. Just imagine that even after finding out Purab loved Bulbul, Abhi blames Pragya for Aaliya's wedding falling apart. Pragya accepts his rude treatment because she needs to stay with him until her mother's health got better.

***

A fresh breeze broke Pragya's sleep. She tugged on her blanket and tried not to open her eyes, but it was no use. The cold had awakened her again.

It was getting too late in the season to keep sleeping on the balcony. Every night she promised herself that tomorrow, she would somehow convince him to let her share the room again. She wouldn't ask for the bed; just any corner actually inside the room would do. But somehow each day, the chance got away from her, and every night she found herself trying to get some rest on this stiff, outdoor sofa in the increasingly chilly night air.

Sometimes she considered waiting until he fell asleep, and then going back to the room. It would not be difficult to spread a blanket on the floor and lie down and let sleep claim her. She hadn't been getting nearly enough sleep lately, and just the warmth inside the room would be enough for her comfort.

But she never did it. For one thing, she didn't want to deal with his tantrums if for some reason he woke up and saw her inside against his instructions. And for another, some twisted sense of pride kept her from breaking the terms of their agreement. It was an unfair agreement, and she felt pathetically weak to accept this kind of treatment. But it would also be a kind of weakness to beg him for a place in the room. She shouldn't have to beg for what was rightfully hers. So rather than try to get it, she would do without.

It wasn't logical, but not much in her life made sense these days. Pragya was willing to cling to whatever little choices brought her any kind of self-satisfaction. She had gotten out of the habit of trying to live her life with integrity, and instead it became an achievement just to cope with all the nonsense thrown at her from day-to-day.

She felt herself shivering in the cold, and that made her get up and go inside. At least she could get some more blankets; with another layer or two, it might be cozy enough to pass the rest of the night.

She fetched the extra bedding from the bedroom closet. On the way back to the balcony, something made her stop and just look at her sleeping husband.

Abhi looked so normal when he was asleep. He looked strong, reliable, and calm. You would never know, watching that big, powerful body taking its easy rest, that such an immature and silly man lived within it.

She saw that he had kicked his blanket to one side, and was lying on his stomach, cuddling his favourite pillow. With a sigh, she picked up his blanket and covered his feet. He might not care what happened to her, but she didn't want him to catch a cold.

If she had her way, he would wear more than those flimsy muscle tees to bed. But she supposed that was better than his preference to sleep nude, which he'd taunted her with so early in their marriage. And it wasn't like he'd ever listen to her suggestions anyway.

For many weeks, Pragya had tried to deny that she had these protective thoughts about Abhi. Why should she care if he made himself sick with his stupid habits? It shouldn't matter to her that he was carefree to the point of being careless in almost every area of his life. He was nothing to her but a torturer, a fake husband she had to stay with for reasons that had nothing to do with her own choices or happiness.

But lately Pragya had given up on lying to herself. Her life was already so much of a mess, she couldn't afford self-delusion on top of all the game playing she was caught up in. And so Pragya had acknowledged to herself that her foolish, dreaming heart had somehow developed a softness Abhi, even though it was totally crazy to have any kind of affection for someone who insisted that he actually hated her.