Kerosene

For Starters

I know what you are thinking "baths are disgusting." It's weird because if you think about it, if you really think about it , our life is just one big pile of shit but you have to lay in what you have buried.

Sometimes I scare myself. I'm scarred that one day I might not want to come back up. I might not feel the water running up my nose, burning every inch. I might not feel the drowning. I might not.

"Lauren. Lauren are you in there? Is everything okay?"

Just one more second. The bottom of the tub was cold. I kept trying to bounce myself up but every time my bare back hit the bottom I asked myself the same question- Am I still here ? Am I okay?"

"You do not want to be late. We should be ready just in case it rains. Please open the door."

I opened my eyes and quickly jumped up as the burn inched it's way along my eye. Tear-free my ass.

"Just a sec."

I lingered my foot over the white tiled floor in fear that I would get frost-bite. I kept rubbing my eyes in hopes to ease the burn but to no avail. I reached over to the hanger and wrapped myself into a sheep skin towel. My eyes were blood shot and not the kind that was a side effect from having a little fun.

"Lauren."

I stared at the puffiness on my jaw and slowly stroked it. It was bruised and yellow. It almost looked like I had plastered melted yellow crayon but the bitch hurt and that was something you didn't have to plaster on my face. Ow.

"LAUREN MICHELLE, for christ sake."

I couldn't help that my mark was more interesting than what was about to happen. I dabbed a little foundation under my eyes and walked out with a trail of steam following.

"Geez you would think you were opening the portal to hell." Her glasses were fogging up and i could see her trying to fan the steam away to my direction."

"That's how I like it." I walked over to my bed to see a velvet green dress laid out with black stocking and black shoes.

"Don't you think the stocking are too much?" I reached over ignoring the choice of wardrobe selected for me and reached over to my drawer.

"Non-sense. You can never go wrong with a good pair of stockings."

"Yeah,good."

I picked out a black shirt with dark red pants and quickly heard the grunt escape her mouth as she paced over to yank them out of my hands. We were at the same eye level and for a second I felt her almost feel sorry for me.

"We do not have time." Her voice was soft and she gave me the same smile she would when I would fall and scape my knee. The "you will live smile." It soothed the fear out of my shaking hands.

She walked out after pulling my scalp up to the top of my head.

Oh darling i have never seen a pony tail ever look bad on someone- my ass

I tried pulling at it but the thing was in there.

My hands grazed over the dress. Whenever my hands brushed up the fabric was darker as if wet. It became a fun game seeing the cloth change.

I looked up to the opposite end of the room and saw the clock read:

"10:05 a.m"

It was like reading your death sentence.

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"There she is!" The old man walked over and hugged me tightly on my shoulders and pulled my away right in front of him to get a better look on my ill-fated outfit.

"Beautiful color, Charleston." Her smile widened as her good choice was acknowledged and complimented.

"Thank you sir. I chose it myself."

"You look lovely, Lauren." I smiled back as he released his grip and walked over to the door.

"Well, there is no need to waste time we do not have." HIs footsteps were short as if he could move at any speed but it would almost be the same. We all followed behind him. Father, Charles, and I and filed into the crimson green car as the sun beat it's way into the black windows. As the loud engine roared it's way down the hollowed street of the orange rusted houses.

I don't know if it was the heat or my constant need to pluck the sickening tights from my skin. Or the need to pat my head to get a blood flow moving on my head that made each left and turn wore than the other. My stomach churned and the hairs along my arm stand up like soldiers ready answer a command.

But when we finally go their the only thing i felt was the rain in the communal bath that we were all taking place in as we stood in front of the gray building that had no chance for any sun to beat into where the only decor was a Fahrenheit 451 type of screen that read in bright red neon letters:

Please stand by.

I was scarred.

Enter.

Shit.

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