☆ s i m p l i c i t y ☆ ~ sturniolo triplets

no such thing as simple

*MENTIONS OF SH* ⚠️ (no actual sh though)

matts POV:

nat was just quiety crying, then ran out of the room to go to the bathroom. i know better then to leave her alone when shes upset. especially when i know her past.

"fuck" i mumble and immediately follow her out the door.

i try opening the door to the bathroom but its locked so i knock. 

"nat please unlock the door."

Natalies POV:

i heard matts voice on the other side of the door as im sitting on the floor up against the wall.

the candle- there has to be a lighter in here...

"please let me in" he sounded really worried.
"i can't" i say quietly through a sob.
"natalie please dont hurt yourself" matt started to cry, i could hear it in his voice.

i stay silent for a minute before i stand up to grab the lighter. i stare at it, then at the door.

my breath is shaky...
i start the lighter.

matt hears the click of the lighter.
"nelly. dont do it." he raises his voice, "..open the door. please." he's still crying.
"matt..." i say quietly.
"natalie!" he cries.
i turn off the lighter.
i unlock the door and slowly start opening the door, unharmed.

matt quickly pushes the door the rest of the way open, hits my hand to knock the lighter to the floor, and swiftly wraps me into a hug and cries into my shoulder.
"don't fucking do that." he lets out.
i stay silent as i lightly return his tight hug. he pulls away and his red eyes meet mine.

"i'm sorry" i whisper.
"it's okay" he says.
 he wraps his arm around me and walks me to his room.

i lay in his bed.
he lies beside me, facing me. his eyes are teary, and he looks concerned.

"im not okay"
"i need help"
"when does this end?"
"im so tired of this"
"why do you care about me?"

"matt?" i ask quietly. he looks my direction, letting me know he's listening. "...i think.." i swallow my words and decide to say something else. i dont want to put all of that on him.
"i want to go home." i say. he sits up.
"are you sure?" he asks.
"i'm sure" i say. 
"okay, i can give you a ride if you need it." i nod.
he knows i'll be safe with my mom there.

we get up from the bed. i dont bother grabbing my stuff. matt and i walk downstairs, but i walk to nicks room. i shake nick awake, then chris. "i'm gonna head out" i say. they could tell i was crying. "are you okay?" chris asks.

i make eye contact with both of them, and shake my head. chris rushes over and gives me a hug. "what's wrong? what happened?" nick asks.

"i'm just having a hard time, i'll talk to you about it later" i say quietly and they understand immediately. "i love you" nick says, hugging me. "everything will be okay. i love you nelly" chris says, giving me another hug. "love you" i say back to both of them. they walk me out to the car, and i meet matt in the front seat.

matt grabs my hand and starts driving. its a silent car ride. we pull up to my house. we both get out of the car and he walks me to my door.

"promise me you'll be safe?" he asks looking down at the ground infront of my door. his voice broke.
"dont worry about me." i say to him, looking over to him.
he looks up at me.
"natalie please tell me how the fuck i'm supposed to not worry about you." a tear drips down his pink cheek.
i let out a slow breath through my nose as i hold back tears.
"i'm going to be okay.. i promise" i whisper

he pulls me into a tight hug. we stay embraced for a minute. he pulls away and kisses my forehead.. "i love you nelly" he whispers. "i love you" i say back in a whisper.

i walk inside.

Matts POV:
i slowly walk back to the van and get in. i start it and back out of the driveway. i pull over about a mile away from her house. roll down my wndow, unbuckle, and pull my hood over my head.

i sit in silence for 20 minutes. staring at myself in the side-veiw mirror. my sleeves are covering my hands, my arms are crossed over my torso. i feel like throwing up, but my stomach is empty. i watch the tears drip slowly down my cold cheeks. one by one. my mind was racing, but it felt like it was completely empty.

nobody sees your pain
you don't matter
help her
your useless
you don't deserve her

i take a deep, shaky breath. and finally look away from the mirror.

i need to get home. its really late.

i drive home and go straight to my room. i didnt talk to nick and chris when i walked in. i lay down on my side, staring into pitch-blackness.
my eyes wont close, no matter how hard i try. my brain keeps circling back to one single thought.

what if she does something worse than hurt herself?
i cant live without her.
i cant fucking live without her.
i get up out of bed and go to the bathroom.

it been an hour since i got back, i think, no one will see me.

i open the cupboard to reveal my dads single blade razor. i grab it and pocket it quickly. i walk out of the bathroom and go back to my room. i feel around for my lighter, being too stubborn to turn the light on. i finally find it and light two candles, both the same scent, mahogany teakwood.

now that i have light, i make sure my bedroom door is locked. i sit up in my bed the blade is still in my pocket, but the lighter is in my hand. i flick on the lighter a few times, admiring the flame.

its okay.
no one will know.
its fine.
nobodys going to find out.
its okay.

i kept repeating to myself.