snow and peppermints//chanlix

03

"this entry isn't about you the boy i admire so much..it's about

me.

in a way i wish i was dead..somewhere in the afterlife where my mother screaming at me, hitting me with anything she can get her hands on, offering me up to anyone who pays above five hundred..wouldn't be heard..

but i have to live for you. my life truly began when you transferred to my small school on the outskirts of daejeon. the moment i saw you...i knew...

i was in love.

every time someone lays their dirty hands on me, whispering obnoxious, dirty things in my ear as they violate my weak body. i want to crawl into a hole and disappear..

sometimes as i'm sitting in my barren room, trying to tune out the sound of my
mother having annoyingly loud sex, probably with someone who just got done with me and wanted a bonus. i cry and ask anyone who's listening why did it have to be me..

i hate myself..so much. i hate the fact that i'm weak and have the features and figure of a woman. i hate that i can't protect myself..i just take the abuse and cry myself to sleep. i hate...that no one see's me practically begging for help. no one sees my limping, my bruises..the tears that silently fall from my eyes when the dismissal bell rings, dooming me to my hellhole of a home.

in a way school is my safe haven, as much as i hate everyone there, besides you, it's the one place i don't have to look over my shoulder or constantly be in fear of someone touching me inappropriately. i'll never admit it but i actually love science..

i love the fact that there's a whole universe out there that we don't know about. the fear of the unknown sends a special rush through me. i want to know everything there is to know about it..hopefully one day we'll know more about the universe that calls itself space, which is fitting because that's what it is

a mass amount of black, inkiness that we have no idea what it is. we just simple call it..space. but within that dark space..there's billions of hot spheres of light that shine so brightly i feel it's warmth at night when gazing at them admirably.

someday i just might purchase one...and name it after the person who is my light in my dark universe."

-LFYB