Louis did a lot better after he started taking some nausea medication. There was still the occasion where he would run to the bathroom, but overall he seemed better. Utterly exhausted, but better. He didn't want to do a lot anymore, so often they sat on the couch and watched movies. Well, Harry watched them. Louis slept. But that was alright too.
Because these were the moments, he thought he would miss the most. The days that he was too busy in the studio, playing shows, and whatever else he may have been doing that stopped him from relishing in the little things. The moments where they could just be. How fucked up was it that it only took Louis being sick to realize that?
Harry stroked Louis's hair, pushed a stray strand from his forehead. Louis rolled over and looked at him through lidded eyes.
"Didn't mean to wake you." Harry said softly.
"I wasn't asleep." Louis replied.
"Are you hungry? I can make you something." Harry suggested. Louis shook his head. He looked at him a long time, like he was searching for the right words to say.
"I want to see..." his brow furrowed and he rubbed his eyes in irritation. "The baby..."
"Lucky?" Harry asked. He realized he had been waiting for this day. The day when he would start to forget, he just didn't think it would happen so soon. He wasn't ready.
"Yeah, Lucky." Louis said thoughtfully. "When do you think Lottie would bring him back?"
"I'm not sure, darling. I'll ask her." Harry picked up his phone immediately and sent her a text.
"What about Zayn?" Louis continued thoughtfully. "I reckon I'd like to see him as well. It's been too long."
"Let me see." Harry said, but his palms started to itch and his neck grew hot. Maybe he hoped Louis would forget about Zayn too, so he wouldn't be too heartbroken when he didn't show up. But he sent him a text as well. But when the little blue bubble quickly turned green, he felt his gut twist. Then he messaged Niall, hoping that somehow, he could help him fix all of this.
"Let me make you something to eat, darling. You haven't had anything all day." Harry said, checking the time. He hadn't had anything to eat either, and his stomach was starting to growl.
"Alright." Louis mumbled. He shifted so Harry could stand, but grabbed his hand before he walked away. "Love you."
Harry kissed his fingers. "I love you, Lou."
Harry started turned on some soft music to listen to while he cooked. He hadn't been in the kitchen all of ten minutes before he heard socked feet on carpet. He turned to peer over his shoulder and saw Louis shuffling up to him still wearing that awful green hoodie.
"You should be laying down, love." Harry said.
"I love this song. Do you remember?" He said, wrapping his thin arms around Harry's waist and laying his head on his chest. Of course, Harry remembered. He would never forget. He had picked the song, and after much begging, Louis finally agreed to have it for their first dance at their wedding. Still The One by Shania Twain played softly over the speaker.
"I'll never forget." Harry sighed. Together they began to rock slowly to the song. Harry took Louis's hand, entwined their fingers and they danced. Slowly in the kitchen, back and forth. Briefly, Louis pulled away from Harry, but only to spin him. So, he spun slowly and gracefully and landed back face to face with Louis and held his shoulder. Harry held him close, held him tight, and he never wanted to let go.
"You're still the one I run to, the one that I belong to, you're still the one I want for life." Harry sang along softly in his ear. Louis was oddly silent for a long time, Harry had begun to notice that it was taking him longer and longer to answer him these days, but never this long. Harry glanced down at him wanting to make sure he was okay, but when he looked he saw those beautiful blue eyes were leaking. Tears trickled down Louis's cheeks and he avoided Harry's eyes.
"Lou?" Harry asked, stopping their motion.
"I'm sorry, Harry." He whispered after a moment. Harry brushed his cheek, wiping away a tear.
"For what, love?" He asked.
"For leaving you." When Louis looked up again, his eyes were crystals, frozen in time and space. All those times he put on a brave face, plastered on a smile, and laughed along with the others had all wasted away in that moment. He was pale, exhausted, and utterly miserable. He wasn't sure how long he had been holding this in, or how he could be more worried about leaving Harry than he was to die. All of those times when he had told Harry he would always be there for him seemed to fly away in ashes as reality must have set in. He was leaving.
"You're not." Was all Harry could muster. He had only seen Louis like this a handful of times, once with Fizzy, another with his mum, and now for himself. "You're not." He repeated desperately.
"Shit, I'm sorry." Louis whiled his eyes with his sleeve. "I've just ruined it- I've just-"
"You haven't ruined anything, darling. You're alright. We'll be alright." Harry whispered into his hair.
"Can we just dance?"
And so they swayed, slowly. Back and forth. And Harry touched his skin, soft and supple and warm. He breathed him in, a mixture of coffee and the smell of their sheets. Harry loved the smell of his shampoo and the way his head fell precisely under his chin because Louis was the perfect height. And he had the perfect smell, he had the perfect eyes, the perfect lips, the perfect smile. Because Louis was perfect. And being in love with him was perfect. Loving him was sleeping on warm sheets. It was the first cup of coffee in the morning. Loving Louis was watching your heart walk away every time he left. And loving Louis was watching the sun rise every day, it was hoping that every time your phone went off it was him. Because Louis was eternal, Louis was his sunrise and the sun would never stop rising. Because Louis was dancing in the kitchen to their wedding song. Because he was Louis.
And they danced.
