Another think piece on love? It's getting old— but if it'll help you sleep?
You came from nowhere. Honestly I'd be okay, had I ignored you. I must say, I am glad that I didn't. I regret nothing. Said or did. I have so many words for you I'm not even sure that it's healthy. I think that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this, around you— because I never even touched you. Felt you, held you. I contemplated adding a yet to the end of the last sentence. I don't know why I didn't because the reality though fleeting is attainable. I think that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this, around you— because I think I may have hyper fixated on yet again a version of you not available to me.. yet. I think that my favorite part about this, about us, is the 'yet.' I think it's important to highlight that though basking in this world, our world— thus a world you built with words that to me rang like unheard, unsung melodies, it is indeed a world you built. I'm not sure I should linger here though. I'd thought because you'd began building this place for us, that you'd stay. Conflicting it is, the whole 'perfect person wrong timing' cliche. Mostly because though I don't want another person, the reality is I'll probably find one. Or they'll find me. We will say a bunch of things to make us like each other and suffice to say the cycle continues. Contradicting, it is, that with every fiber of my being I believe such an ideality exists yet my only recurring thought is you. Funny, it is, sometimes this attention from her makes me feel good. Makes me feel wanted. I often question myself, "why even try with other people when I have a person who will accept my every single flaw?" The reality is, I don't want her love. I want the love that I want and right now that love isn't hers. It's yours. That is not to negate or take away from the fact that I have love for her, I do. Truthfully, if I actually opened myself up to the love she's offering in all actuality the reality she wants to be ours is fathomable. I just can't. I don't know why, or how, if or when. The reality is, regardless of the intent behind the love a person has to give, it is not obligatory that their love be accepted because face it— people only care about their own feelings, (while still having the capacity to care about other peoples feelings) and that's just real. I think it is human nature to want the thing farthest from the realm that procures peace. Ironic that we wait for a love we're not sure will return. Ironic that we turn away the love, that we most need.
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& So It Goes
RandomNO TABLE OF CONTENT; JUST CONTENT There is no particular order in which these pieces are to be read. This is solely a collection of my thoughts, works, words and pieces.
