october the 19th

The Begining

The clock just hit midnight. It was October the 19th. As usual I couldn't sleep. I looked outside and saw, that the leaves already changed colour. I grabbed my coat and went on a walk. That's what I usually do to clean my mind from all the the thoughts that keep choking me from inside. The streets were quiet, there were barely people outside. I've been walking for quite a long time, when I realised that it started to rain. There was nobody outside by this time, and to be honest, this made me feel the most comfortable. I had no umbrella with me, but I didn't care, I just enjoyed the rain running down my skin. I got home at 2AM. It was still raining. I quickly changed into some dry clothes and opened my window. I layed down and closed my eyes. I love the sound of rain. It is peaceful, it makes me feel safe. If you can hear the rain, you know, that there is nobody around you. No one who can hurt you. Nobody who makes you feel worthless. Nobody who makes you trust them, and then leaves you behind. Nobody to mess with your emotions.
Nobody. Just you. Alone. Forever. Some people would call this their deepest fear. My deepest fear is for this to change. I promised to myself, that I will never let anyone close again. Ever. And I am keeping it. I really am....

I woke up at 6AM.  I didn't sleep quite much.
I got ready for school, and left the house early, my mom was already at work, so I had to take the bus.
October the 19th...
This day, the day when it all happened.
The day that nobody should know about.
The day I wish I could forget.
The day I wish for everybody else to forget.
I walked into art class, and Grace shouted "Happy Birthday girl" the second she saw me.
Exactly what I was afraid of.
Ssssh- I answered- I DON'T want anyone to know!!
Why not?-she asked in that annoying tone she always speaks in.
Because, it is awkward. Everyone who had no idea just walks there and says Happy Birthday. Even people who I never spoke to, and it makes me uncomfortable. It always leads to small talk, some of them won't shut their mouth afterwords, and even ask if I wanted to hang out with them later, and im not in the mood right know so please keep your mouth shut- I said in a bit harsh tone.
okay, okay you antisocial drama queen- Grace said. After that she just sat down on her place. I have known Grace since the first grade.We used to be best friends, but as the years passed I realised that she was kind of a bitch. She was never there for me, only when she could get the others attention with it. She always congrats on my birthdays loudly so everyone knows that she had it in mind.

People would say that I look pretty sleepy, it is understandable if I just think about the amount I slept last night, but since that day all my nights were like this so I didn't even notice anymore. I picked up a brush and started to paint. At least I wanted to, but someone snatched it out of my hand. I turned around and saw Jesse holding my brush.
Oh sorry is this yours shorty?- he asked.
Yes, and I would like to have it back- I said.
Well then come and get it, princess -and with that he stood up holding the brush in the air. It was useless to try and reach it( he is 6,2 and  im 4,9).
Oh you bet I will- I whispered under my breath, and with that I punched him in the stomach, took my brush from him and then grabbed his ear, pulled his face close to mine and said-"my name is Ophelia". After that he just left me alone, and we all sat down and painted.....