the grave

2

billie's fingers trace over the letters on the grave, pressing a kiss to the cold stone. her tears drop down on the stone.

with a shaky breath, she sits down on the blanket. with a shake from her head, she lets out a sob.

"i-" she starts but breaks into a sob again. "i thought i could move on, so i went to this party and i-" with a rough breath, she looks up at the sky.

"i had sex with this girl, but i couldn't stop thinking about you, and i just couldn't do it anymore. so i stopped, and then i ran out and maybe that was a dick move but i just can't do it anymore.

you're everywhere avery. and i'm so afraid for the day where i will stop thinking about you. because stopping thinking about you means i've moved on. and i don't want to move on.

i wanna go back into your arms when i have a bad or a good day. i want to kiss you and make breakfast with you.

i want to join you on your stupid long runs, and i want to be able to sleep in the same sheets as you. and i so badly want to have a future with you.

and moving on, means everything we planned will go away. the trip around the world, we were going to explore the world together avery"

billie stops talking, breaking into a sob. her head falls into her hands, the wind blows softly on her hair.

"i fucking miss you. so much. and i- i don't know what to do without you. you're all i ever wanted. from when i was a child.

all i ever wanted was to be with you, and even if i didn't understand it then. i've always had a crush on you.

and after our first kiss, you made all my dreams come true because all i ever dreamt of was you.

you. all i ever wanted was you. nothing more, just you. i don't care if we would've lived on the streets, if it were only to be us left on this stupid earth.

because as long as i would've had you, my life would've been complete. everything i've ever wanted would be real. be mine.

you were my dreams. my future. from the beginning."

billie lets out a breath, looking at the grave with her head in her hands. "i remember your mom saying you were more with me than her, and that i couldn't be with you so much.

i also remember what you said after that. "if i can't be with my billie, i won't be with anyone at all" and i believe that was the day i knew i truly loved you.

i will see you one day my love, and then we'll be everything we ever could be"