The entrapped

The woods

I stared at the full-length mirror. I had just finished decorating our new cabin. It took me way to long, but the stupid medication sucked all the energy out of me. I was just a shell of the woman I used to be. My husband hasn't even really let me leave any of our old apartments on my own, because he's afraid that I'll faint or get kidnapped. He always smiled as he told me how easy it would be for someone to just steal me off the streets and that I couldn't put up a fight. I wish he wasn't right; I knew he was but that never stopped him from demonstrating by throwing me over his shoulder or tackling me to the ground.

It was beautiful. We had large windows that revealed great woods that seemed to go on forever. I loved nature more than anything else. I just felt at peace and... safe. Right safe, we weren't safe. Warm embrace;
''We have to move again love, I'll do anything to keep you safe''.
Why? A question that never got answered. He smiled at me when he told me that he could grant me one wish:
''We're moving to a cabin. No one will bother us, and we'll be surrounded by nature. We'll finally be alone.'' I didn't know why his words stung, but they did. I had placed one hand on my stomach and his eyes narrowed. He just shook his head and stormed of only to return hours later with bad news. ''The doctors called'' of course they did. I didn't need to know more; they upped the doses once again.

In a different world, I would have a son. His name would be Karim and he'd be the definition of the word: generous, noble and honourable. I could just see a little five-year-old boy running around full of energy. He'd come home filled with pride as he ranted on and on about the things he learned and the friends he made. He'd give me a beautiful drawing of our family. I'd love and hug him and tell Alex, my husband, how much they looked alike. Karim had the same deep brown eyes, blonde hair and kind smile as Alex. I'd pout about the fact that Karim only seemed to inherit my Arabic tint and my husband would just laugh it off and say that the next kid would take after me more. He'd wink and hug us while promising that he would never let us go.

Karim didn't exist and it angered Alex when I talked about him. ''YOU can't have children. We tried everything. You're just broken! But I still love you, so why are you doing this? Why do you care so much about having children? What can they give you what I can't?'' I can't remember anything else after that, just feeling dizzy, the doctors calling and telling me I'm unwell. More medicine, vague memories that I desperately tried to hang on to.

I stood in front of the mirror. In the background, I could see the fluffy pillows and warm blankets that I had placed on the straw chair. The room was just the definition of cosy, wooden tints, soft grey and beige colours and the greens from outside. So close yet so far. For some reason, he never let me have real plants in the house. I could just see it when I stared out of the window, something that I did often.

I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I didn't really remember, but I swear that I used to have dark red hair. I wasn't a natural redhead, but it was something that I always maintain. I was sure that my now olive skin tone used to be more of a caramel colour from being active and always being outside. Surely my now somewhat bony frame used to look more athletic. My skin couldn't have been this bruised before.

I was lost in my own thoughts when Alex suddenly appeared in the reflection. His eyes met mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist. A part of me wanted to sink into his embrace as I remember doing many times before. The other part of my brain sent messages to my heart that caused it to palpitate. I had to stop my now sweaty hands from trembling and my body from becoming stiff. I forced myself to relax and lean against him while staring at myself in the mirror. I was wearing short shorts and a crop top to help myself from being overheated. It revealed some scars and bruises that looked... fresh.

''Someone hurt me'' Alex looked pained. I felt the distance instantly even though he was still standing close. A forced laugh escaped his lips.

''Honey, you know how clumsy you are!''

My arms and legs held the most bruises while my stomach held one long scar that seemed faded. It reminded me of a linea nigra scar. Surely all of this couldn't have been me. I looked at the arms that were holding me, only then noticing the glass of water in his hand.

''Do you remember our promise?'' I felt empty as I stared at the medicine tablets that he pushed into my hand.

''Say it!'' When I didn't speak his grip got tighter. I could feel another bruise forming.

''You'll protect me, no matter what''

''Everything I do, everything I'll ever do or...did. I do it for you! You have to understand.'' ''Why? Why are you saying this?''

''No reason, you just... need to know. ''

''Wh-what do I need to know?''

''It's nothing. It's fine, just go to bed. '' It was still morning, and the sun was shining bright but as the water hit my lips and I swallowed the pills, exhaustion seemed closer than before.

''Can I explore the woods tomorrow?'' I heard my weak voice beg. Surely there was no reason for me to stay inside now. There was no one else around us. He softly pushed me into our bed.

''I'll think about it when I come back. I need to pick up your medicine. I don't know when I'll be back.'' He looked away like he was thinking about something.

''If you really want to go, I'll let you go.'' I don't know why his words scared me.

My eyelids started to drop, and I couldn't stay awake for much longer.

''I Love you.'' I don't know why it sounded like a lie.